A couple weeks ago, I sifted through the archives of my blog. I was in the process of creating a new page where readers could find my posts about anxiety in one centralized location, and I got lost in a rabbit hole. Digging into stories from my early days as a blogger, and realizing how much heart I’ve poured out onto the page over the years, it was really enlivening. But when I reached the archive page for 2019, I realized how little I’ve shared here in comparison to years past and I thought, what happened? Why have I stopped blogging like I used to?

Looking back, there are three main reasons:

2019 has been a big year of reflection – I’ve been focusing a lot on understanding my anxiety and how to better cope and support my body. This is heavy brainwork; and with that, I’ve found myself having less capacity for output. I’ve missed writing and wished I had more space to do it, but I’ve learned to give myself grace and know that the words will come when they’re ready.
Prioritizing Instagram – As a writer who is working on growing a platform, I’ve focused a lot of energy on connecting with my followers on Instagram. As I’ve been more intentional within that app, I’ve found myself less active on my blog. That’s not on purpose – and it’s not something I want to do moving forward. I so appreciate my readers here within the walls of the good ole .com and know that there’s many of you who aren’t on social media. So please forgive me for neglecting this space and know that I am shifting that starting now.
Laziness – Let’s call a spade a spade – part of it is pure laziness. When the option to write requires me to either pull out my computer and write a blog post or snatch my phone and tap out an Instagram caption, I’ve erred towards the latter. Plain and simple – I’ve been a bit lazy and that’s okay sometimes.

One of the aspects I’ve learned about being a writer over the years is that it comes in waves. Sometimes the thoughts and words are aplenty, and sometimes they are few. Sometimes it’s necessary to write in the blankness, to press through laziness – and other times it’s important to let go, give grace, and trust that the words will come another day.

So that’s what I did – I settled in to a season of rest, accepted the status of less output, and mini-blogged over on Instagram when my heart needed emptying through words.

With that said, here are some pieces of my heart that I shared over on Instagram, in case you may have missed them. Tap the photo to head to read the full caption.

A Full Summer

This summer has been so full. The kind of full that makes your heart happy but also makes you want to take a vacation just so you can sleep. ⁠⠀

Victory over anxiety

I did it! I went back to the scene of the anxiety attack that shook my world last year; to the same grandstand I ran away from in a panic; to the concert I forced myself to watch through tears and labored breathing. And here’s what happened…⁠⠀

Taking my Power Back

If you struggle with anxiety, and are avoiding a situation for fear that it may bear the familiar stench of panic, don't give in. Stand strong - the Lord has given you divine power to demolish strongholds - act upon it and join me in tasting the sweet freedom found in Christ.⁠⠀

Embracing Unknowns

If I got paid for the surplus of hours I've spent trying to figure out Finn's itchiness, I could take myself to Bora Bora. But what I've realized is, the only real fruit of trying to manipulate a situation that is simply out of my control is anxiety.⠀⠀

My anti-what if weapon

This is my anti-what if weapon; the words I say when I'm tempted to entertain thoughts about worst case scenarios or anxiety-drenched fears. It's a mantra, born in Zephaniah 3:17, that has been a critical component in freeing me from the crippling weight of anxiety.

Why I Write

For me, I want every time I write to be on purpose. On purpose for myself- for processing, for growth. On purpose for others- to encourage and connect. And on purpose for the Lord- to make His name known. ⠀

Writing in the Cracks

But here's the reality—In most cases, there is enough time to make space for the things that we love, even if it's in the cracks; we just need to be diligent about MAKING IT HAPPEN.⠀

Organizing my Mind

Just like having an orderly house, if I want to find peace in my mind, I have to be okay with things getting a little messy in the process.⁣⠀

Fake it till you Make it

Fun fact: Did you know that when you smile, your brain releases endorphins? All it takes is an upward movement in the muscles in your face to trigger your brain to drop the amazing chemicals responsible for making us feel happy and reducing stress levels. ⁣⠀
⁣⠀

Workout Perspective

I'm not hitting the gym because I SHOULD, I'm going because it's a blessing the Lord gave me to help withstand difficulties - body and mind.⁣⠀

Feeling Unknown

It’s easy to feel understood in the most common of clarifiers- wife, daughter, sister, aunt, kitty mama, follower of Jesus- but there are a few in my list that aren’t so traditional; writer, housewife, anxiety sufferer, and married in my 30s without children.⁣⁣⁣⁣⠀

Never Abandoned in Anxiety

I will never abandon you. || These are the words I heard the Lord say to me as I leaned against the window, deep breathing my way through a tight chest brought on by anxiety.

Grounding in Truth

The one thing that ALWAYS quiets my mind is proclaiming God's truth. So tonight I'm grounding myself in the strength of Psalm 91:14-16 that tells me - God will rescue me, protect me, be with me in trouble, and DELIVER me. ⠀

Moving forward

I’m excited because I feel myself reaching the edge of a fog. My head is full of words to write, articles to share, and a series in the making. My fingertips are eager to be unleashed on the keyboard.

Here are a few things I’m currently working on:

Inching my way back towards semi-regular blogging
An article about The Fruit of Being Expectant coming out in the She Leads Daily magazine in September
A brand new series about finding peace amidst anxiety – I am super excited about this one and cannot wait to reveal more.

In the meantime, I want to thank you for being a faithful follower of my writing. It means so much to share the journey with you.