The week of the fourth of July has been one of my favorites for as long as I can remember – and it all has to do with our family cabin on the Chain of Lakes. Many summers growing up we would pack up the car and drive to the cottage to spend the week. We’d spend all day in the water, swimming, skiing, and floating, and nights were enjoyed around the campfire or a game of some sort (either board games or night games like Ghost in the Graveyard outside).
In 2020, the week of the fourth was the light shining in the darkness of the pandemic. A light that was quickly snuffed when my mom had a heart attack at the end of June and spent the fourth of July prepping for open-heart surgery. (Praise God for His provision and faithfulness to get her through that and on the other side!)
To say that we were full of anticipation to finally get to spend the week together this year is a large understatement.
Our time together was as wonderful as I could have hoped. But it was far from what I imagined the week would look like.
Instead of taking pontoon rides multiple times a day, adventuring to the sandbar, or venturing over to the Clearwater Harbor (the restaurant on the lake), and ending the nights around the table playing a board game or cards, this year our pace was slow.
At first I had a major case of FOMO (fear of missing out); not from something someone else was doing at the same time, but from comparing what we were currently doing to what we have done in the past.
I thought, oh goodness, we’re not doing any of the fun things we typically do! Ugh… this time won’t be as good if we don’t do those things…
But then I took one look around me – at my mom napping as the pontoon bobbed on the waves, at my sister soaking up the sun without kiddos needing her attention (both sleeping), at the book in my hand (the second of the week), and then at my dad, brother-in-law, and husband who just got back from a round of golf and were settling in to relax – and I realized, this is exactly what we all needed.
I’ve been thinking a lot about how often comparison is the serial killer of contentment.
I think we’re all familiar with this idea especially in relation to social media where you compare your life to someone else’s and somehow feel less than when you look at your own. But the comparison I’m talking about is that which comes from weighing the difference between reality and our own expectations.
Allow me to explain.
How often do you have expectations for how a meal will taste and then end up disappointed because it wasn’t what you imagined? Or maybe you’re reading a book or watching a movie, and the plot doesn’t conclude how you thought? Or what about with your spouse – you think they read your mind to concoct the perfect date night but ended up planning something completely different?
When things like this occur, we end up comparing what happened to what we expected to happen and the result is often disappointment or frustration.
The only reason I questioned whether I was enjoying my time up north was because I unintentionally compared our activities to those of other years. BUT when I ditched the comparison game and let go of the illusion of unmet expectations, I was wholeheartedly content.
We had slow mornings, spent a lot of time on the dock, cooked meals at home, took a few night cruises on the pontoon, danced with glow sticks, laughed and rested a lot. It was truly wonderful.
What I’m realizing is - the key to locking up this kind of contentment serial killer is to go into a situation with one expectation – that no matter what happens, there is goodness to be found in it.
Every moment, no matter how hard or heavy it is, is laced with goodness because of the God who created us. When we go in with this one expectation, we strip away idealistic pictures and comparisons and open ourselves up to experience the Lord’s blessings in ways we might not anticipate.
So here’s my question and encouragement for you.
What if you went in to each situation without expectations?
What if instead of comparing your experience to what you thought was going to happen, you enjoyed it for it’s unique goodness?
Wouldn’t the end result be contentment no matter what happened?
It’s not easy to let go of expectations or hold loosely to how things happened in the past, but the more that I practice this, the more I am pleasantly surprised by the unique goodness that each situation holds for me.
Want to join me in putting this into practice?