Looking back on 2016

One of my favorite things to do before the New Year is to reflect on the past year.  Looking back on 2016, it is clear that it was a year for growth – physically (turning the big 30), emotionally, and growth for our family as we added a brother-in-law.  

My sister’s wedding

From April to November, life was a bit of whirlwind.  My sister said YES to her handsome groom, and wedding planning began.  Having the incredible privilege of being matron of honor, I planned a brunch and bubbly bridal shower, bachelorette party, and assisted in any way I could to relieve her stress.  I loved being an integral part of her wedding prep, but my biggest praise was seeing her on November 19th as she stood by her new husband’s side.  She wasn’t caught up in any wedding details or worry, she was peaceful and overwhelmed with joy.  Knowing that I did everything I could to support, encourage, and love on my big sis as she prepared for her day makes her wedding one of my biggest successes of 2016.

Turning 30

Turning 30 years old was nothing short of monumental.  Kicking off the celebration with a 1920s birthday party, I basked in the success of a joy-filled soiree and thought – best way to enter my 30s!  That was until one morning on a family trip to CA, I yanked tissue paper out of a gift bag to find Ellen sweatpants with a note that read, “What better way to celebrate your 30th birthday than to get your dance party on…”  I still can’t believe it; I went to the Ellen show!!!!

5 years of marriage

I can vividly remember sitting with our pastor going through pre-marital counseling and answering the question, “where do you see yourselves in 5 years.”  And there’s no way I could’ve predicted where we are today.  The Lord gave me immeasurably more than I could ever ask or imagine in my husband.  I love him more than I did when we said our vows, and our friendship continues to grow deeper.  Being able to celebrate this milestone together and look back with joy on our special day was a significant highlight of 2016. 

Wild and Free

If you haven’t read Wild and Free, it’s a book that you must add to your reading list for 2017.  Reading and studying Wild and Free with a friend this past summer, I was really challenged in my understanding of how wild God’s love is for us.  Realizing that his love is not an "if, then" kind of love helped me to understand that in Christ, I am secure, and I am free.  Embracing my excitement about the freedom I have knowing that my identity comes solely from Christ, I did something I’ve been too chicken to do for awhile – I owned my wild and free, and dyed my hair grey.  It was such a fun step of courage and challenged me to ground myself in the knowledge that I am not defined by my hair color, my identity is in Christ.

Community

Community has been a struggle for me over the past couple years, but this summer especially.  Craving depth, I found myself feeling disappointed in my community.  Reading Wild and Free and spending time in scripture the Lord taught me that He is the only one who can love me perfectly.   Recognizing that He is my best friend and that He alone fully exceeds expectations, I stopped being so critical of my community and started seeing it as the beautiful blessing that it is.   Re-defining my idea of community I started to embrace a new network called The Rising Tide Society and my existent one through Instagram.  It’s been really awesome to see how the Lord has blessed steps in those directions.  I’ve met some really amazing women like Devyn Mollica, and Alex Good – and I can’t wait to see how God continues to grow and re-shape my idea of community in 2017.

Writing milestones

Although there were seasons in 2016 where I didn’t get to write as much as I would’ve liked, I have much to be thankful for as the Lord has given me some incredible milestones.  

• I had the opportunity to be a part of Thryve Magazine’s first-time fully free issue, Mended.  It was amazing to hear how the Lord called the Thryve team to release the issue for free, and a blessing to know that so many women were being reached in His name. 
•  Being featured on (in)courage, an online publication whose goal is to encourage the hearts of women, is one of my proudest writing moments thus far.  I was honored to share the webpage with incredible writers like Liz Curtis Higgs, and be able to connect with readers who commented on my piece. Knowing that the words the Lord gave me were an encouragement to many women was an extreme affirmation in my call as writer.
• Ann Swindell, an amazing woman of God, writer, author, and professor, (who I met through the Influence Network) started a course called Writing with Grace and I had the pleasure of being in the maiden voyage of both the original Writing with Grace and the Writing with Grace: Memoir course.  I have been challenged in my writing, exposed to editors like Crystal Stine from (in)courage and been encouraged to dig deeper into where God is calling me in my writing.  Much thanks to Ann and her guidance, Lord willing, my hope and goal for 2017 is to write the book that is written on my heart.  

Using scripture to combat anxiety

The most poignant theme in 2016 has been the way that God has taught me to use scripture to battle the evil one.  Part of my process of reflecting on the past year is to look at the blog posts I’ve written.  In doing so, I found a constant thread of sharing how God was teaching me to claim His words in scripture and use them to instill peace, crush my anxiety, and demolish the evil one (Memorizing Truth, ). 

This lesson is my biggest growth and success of 2016. There is nothing comparable to the power that we have through the Word of God and this understanding is something I need to carry with me into each year that follows.  In 2017 I want to sharpen my sword, memorizing scripture, so I can more swiftly destroy the evil one. 

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Taking the time to think about highs and lows, I’m so thankful for the lessons learned and the common themes that have sprung up.  It hasn’t been the easiest year, but it’s also been incredibly fulfilling and jam-packed with celebration. I cannot wait to see what the Lord has in store for 2017.  

- image of my most 'liked' Instagram posts of 2016 - 
thanks to bestnine2016

Don't take the Bait

Every year before the holidays, I find myself fighting off what I call Christmas crankiness.  With the craze to find the perfect presents, mixed with a jam-packed schedule, anxiety increases and I get lost in the rush and lose sight of the joy and purpose of the season.  But what I’ve realized is that the Christmas cranks is not just a result of the busyness, it’s a direct effect of the evil one’s plot to draw my attention away from Jesus.  

Ephesians 6:12 says, “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” 

Jesus defeated the evil one when He died on the cross and rose again.  He broke the power of sin and death, and He has the ultimate victory over all forces of evil.  But the unfortunate reality of this world we live in, is that the evil one is very much at work.  Until Jesus comes again, the devil continues to claw for power.  He doesn’t want us to claim Christ's victory; he wants us to convince us that he is in control.

As followers of Christ, we know that Christmas is much more than the shopping, the tree, the decorations, and the get-togethers.  It’s about celebrating and reflecting on the awe-filled night when an angel of the Lord appeared and said, “Do not be afraid, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a savior will be born to you.  He is Christ the Lord.” (Luke 2:10)  And you know who doesn’t like that?  The evil one.  He hates it.  The very last thing he wants us to do is to focus on Jesus and put him in his place.  So, this time of year, I think he tries extra hard to make us forget who we are and whose we are. 

Well, I’m putting my foot down. I refuse to take the bait.

When my anxiety starts to amplify, instead of crumbling, I’ve started visualizing the armor of God that Paul teaches us about in Ephesians 6.  I envision the belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, the shield of faith, the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the spirit, and I claim the power of God as I “put on” each piece.  And friends, it works.  Putting on my armor, the ick dissipates because as Verse 6 says, “take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.”  Through Christ, we have an extremely powerful tool, one that is capable of extinguishing all flaming arrows and it’s time that we get on the offense and use it!

If you’re like me, and you tend to struggle a bit around the holiday season, don’t take the bait. You are not alone. And you are not empty-handed.  “Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.” (Eph. 6:11)  As the army of the Lord, we must put the evil one in his place.  Together, let’s wave Christ’s victory flag and rub the evil one’s face in the magnificence of Christmas. 

Celebrating 5 years of marriage

Celebrating anniversaries has always been a priority for my husband and I.  In the past, we’ve gone to San Francisco, Seattle and had a Milwaukee and Madison staycation.  Each one was incredible; but this year was extra special.  To celebrate our five-year anniversary we took ourselves back to the places where it all started and re-lived a tiny slice of our wedding day. 

Pulling into the parking lot of the Golden Mast Inn where we had our reception, my stomach turned over.  Catching a glimpse of the front door that once carried a sign saying “Schwerm-Larsen reception” I was instantly transported back to November 12, 2011.  I couldn’t help but get smiley and giddy as I was overtaken by memories.   “Ooh babe, remember this spot?  We took pictures here!  Remember how warm the weather was?  Remember when we stood on the pier and I tried not to dip my wedding dress in the water?”

I love reminiscing, there is something incredibly powerful about it, but I also find it overwhelmingly emotional.  Typically, as soon as I begin to feel the emotion of the memory, I find the need to cut it off, to change the subject.  Something about the longing to re-live the moment makes it bittersweet and too much for me to handle.  So, to be quite honest, each anniversary leading up to today, I allowed myself to reminisce, but only to a point.  But this time was different.  This time, celebrating five years, I felt ready and excited to let my mind wander fully and freely through the memories of our wedding day. 

Walking to the familiar spot on the pier behind the Golden Mast, Chris and I held hands, danced, and canoodled like newlyweds as my new friend and talented photographer, Alex Good, snapped photos to commemorate our anniversary.  (Talk about God’s perfect timing for this one – Alex reached out on Facebook for couples to photograph the week before our anniversary and everything magically fell into place!)   It felt so surreal to be celebrating 5 years, when it seemed a mere moment ago that we stood in this very spot with our wedding photographer capturing our newlywed glow. Finishing our mini-shoot, and making our way inside for dinner, tender memories gushed over me like the heat warming my ice-cold fingers.  

Together we recalled favorite moments from our wedding day, laughed thinking about our infamous best man’s speech, and shared kisses at the bar as we waited for our reservation.  Inching my chair closer to his, I was pleasantly surprised when Chris asked me to share highlights of our past five years.  This came easily for me as I had just been brainstorming these a few days prior.  Year 1 - the year we never saw each other because Chris worked 90+ hours a week.  Year 2 - God provided a new job for Chris, and we finally got to be newlyweds.  We saw each other before 2 am, cuddled on the couch, and ate dinner together during the week!  We also bought our house!  Year 3 – we became kitty parents.  Year 4 – I was affirmed in my role as housewife, and embraced my call to be a writer.  Each year of our marriage has been monumental in different ways, but year 5 has been my favorite; Year 5 is the year we really became best friends. 

One warm night this past summer, we were driving home from a dinner date in Chris’ pearl white pick-up truck with the windows down and the music blaring.  Taking turns blasting our favorite tunes, we belted the lyrics, threw fist pumps in the air and glided our hands out the window.  In that moment, something clicked.  Turning the music down, with emotion in my throat, I exclaimed, “Chris, you are my best friend!”  Marrying my husband 5 years ago, I knew he was one of my besties, but it wasn’t until this silly, teenage best friends type of moment, that I finally allowed him to fill every corner of that role.

As much as I’d like to go back and re-live my wedding day all over again, today is much sweeter – because 5 years after saying our I do’s, I’m even more joyful, more thankful, and more obsessed with the man who stands by my side. 

Finishing off our delicious meal at the Golden Mast with a rich, smooth decadent chocolate torte we left with full bellies and made our way to another memory-filled space, the Iron Horse Hotel.  Walking in to the exact same room we stayed in on our wedding night to find a note in chalk on the floor saying, “Have a happy 5th anniversary in a familiar room!” and a few goodies from the hotel and my loving sis and brother-in-law, joyful tears bubbled up in my eyes.  Anniversaries have always been special for us, but on this one, I felt overwhelmingly blessed and celebrated not just by my husband, but also by the support system who loves us and encourages us in our marriage.

If you’re questioning celebrating an anniversary or a milestone in your life, don’t second-guess it.  Do it.  Pop some champagne, eat some cake, and maybe even ask Alex to capture it.  Mull over every memorable moment and rejoice in what the Lord has given you. 

- images by Alex Good - 

Time to re-focus

Two weeks ago I was running around doing last minute errands and prep for my sister’s wedding.  Last week, I was in recovery mode.  I did a lot of sitting on the couch in front of the fire, cuddling with my hubby, and starting a new binge on Netflix (hello, Walking Dead).  I gave myself the full week off to recover from the wedding craziness both physically and emotionally, and it was glorious.   And this week is for jumping back in… but jumping back into what? 

The past who-knows-how-many months, the main focus of my brain was doing everything I could to support my sister in planning her wedding.  From the brunch and bubbly bridal shower to the bachelorette party, then on to the actual big day (which was absolutely beautiful) – I have had one thing on my mind, support my sister, execute a beautiful wedding.  So now that it’s over I am feeling a little lost.

Have you ever been there?  Maybe it wasn’t planning a wedding, but perhaps a big project at work, or a magical getaway in the dead of winter.  You plan so much that your mind is absorbed.  You lay in bed going over the details yet to be covered; you wake and conquer the last of the to-do list.  Then the big day comes, everything goes off without a hitch and suddenly you’re left wondering, what now?  What’s on my to-do list?  What’s the next project?  What should I focus on?  That’s where I’m at today. 

Helping plan my sister’s wedding wasn’t my entire life, but it was my prime focus.  So, now that it has come and gone, it’s time to re-focus.  Re-adjusting is not easy; I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I was in full-on avoidant mode today.  But I'm ready and eager to get to work on the next project God has for me.  

There’s all sorts of things brewing in this brain of mine and I’m looking forward to getting a lot of them onto paper (like our 5 year anniversary!) but first and foremost I want to get myself re-centered on the Lord.  If you think of me, would you pray for me? I want the words from Lauren Daigle’s song “First” to be the cry of my heart as I step faithfully into whatever the Lord has for me in the days ahead. 

Before I bring my need
I will bring my heart
Before I lift my cares
I will lift my arms
I wanna know You
I wanna find You
In every season
In every moment
Before I bring my need
I will bring my heart
And seek You

First

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- This image is a sneak peek from our anniversary session with Alex Good.  I can't wait to tell you about it and share more of the images she captured! - 

Re-defining Community

If you were to ask me how I felt about community sometime this summer, I would have responded with a heavy sigh and probably somewhat of an eyebrow raise.  Then I would have proceeded to share how my heart has felt really broken and lonely in regards to deep, heart-filling community.  Traditionally, I picture community as a tight knit group of 4-6 people who know each other deeply, ask all the right questions, laugh together, cry together, speak the truth in love when necessary, and above all encourage one another.  In a perfect world, this group would meet together frequently to catch up, lift each other up and read the word of God together.  Sounds beautiful doesn’t it?   When it happens like this, it is epic.  But, what I’ve learned over the past couple of years is, community does not need to be picture-perfect to be impactful.  

Over the past week I participated in an Instagram challenge hosted by a network called The Rising Tide Society whose motto is “community over competition.”  Their goal is to help creatives and entrepreneurs change their mindsets from being competitors to colleagues.  And this week, they encouraged this mentality through an Instagram challenge.  Not only were we schooled on tips and tricks of how to share more effectively on Instagram, we were challenged more importantly to reach out and encourage our fellow creatives.  In an app world, where a lot of times it feels like a competition to post the coolest pic, get the most likes, and have the most beautiful feed that is sure to gain more followers, the Rising Tide Society flipped the purpose. Challenges ranged all over the map from sharing our morning routine, to a recent piece of our work, to a glimpse into our passions - all with the hopes of sharing who we were and connecting with others.  

If you’ve been following along on my Instagram, you might’ve seen that Friday’s challenge was to highlight a fellow creative who has been an inspiration.  There was no question in my mind that I wanted to introduce my sweet friend Natasha; she is an amazing woman of God, a small business owner, a wife, mama of 2 adorable littles, and a constant champion for community. I’ve never met Natasha in real life, yet the Lord has grown our friendship through the internet.  We met thanks to The Influence Network and got to know each other more through google chats, text messages, and Instagram.  And I am so so thankful.  Natasha loves on me when I’m discouraged, inspires me to go for my dreams, and encourages me to lean into the Lord through it all. 

I loved being able to share about, and encourage my friend Natasha - and it was so great to see every feed in the #instatidechallenge full of love for other creatives.  But here's what really got me - after posting about Natasha on my feed, I went to my notifications and saw that a new insta-friend, Devyn Mollica, shared about me on her post!  I was blown away.  Devyn and I have never met in real life; our relationship exists solely inside the walls of Instagram (which I hope to change asap).  But, she so sweetly shared about how I have inspired her through the words I have shared on my Instagram feed! I was so pleasantly surprised, and so so encouraged.  

Feeling incredibly blessed by Devyn’s words I realized, community doesn’t have to be a tight-knit, knees touching as you squeeze onto the couch to share your hearts sort of thing.  All it takes is a group of like-minded individuals encouraging one another and lifting each other up.  And that, can be fostered anywhere; inside a photo-sharing app, through Facebook, google chat, or inside the four walls of a house. 

If you struggle with disappointment in community can I challenge you to dig a bit deeper?  Maybe you don’t have five really good friends who live within 20 minutes and get together every month... but, maybe you have 3 really great friends that you met online.  You don't see them every day, but they are a constant source of encouragement with every text you exchange.  Or maybe you just realized you have a connection with like-minded individuals through the gym, your work, or a group like the Rising Tide Society, who live the motto “community over competition”.  Or maybe your mom, dad, and sister are your greatest advocates.  Even though these circles may not fit into your picture-perfect idea of community, give them the credit they deserve, allow them to re-define your idea of community.  

Whatever shape or form it make take, finding a group of like-minded people who encourage one another and lift each other up is so valuable.  I am so thankful for the Rising Tide Society challenge.  For the way it challenged my thinking and encouraged me to step further in pursuit of community.  Although it might seem hard to come by, community is really simple to foster; and it all starts with you.  Double click that random person’s pic on Instagram, leave a little love, or maybe step out like Devyn and make someone’s day by sharing sweet words of encouragement.  That’s the beginning friends, and it’s all up to us.

image by Marissa Maharaj

Brunch and Bubbly Bridal shower

Last weekend, I had the blessing and honor of throwing a bridal shower for my sister, Steph.  I love throwing a good party (see my 1920s 30th birthday party) but as this is my first time being a maid of honor, this was my virgin voyage holding the reigns for shower planning.  After chatting with my sister, she decided that she didn’t want to be involved in the planning.  She gave me a few rough ideas, some things she’d prefer to avoid, and from there the decisions were up to me.  Given that my sister is a huge fan of champagne and also loves a good brunch, the perfect theme was born, Brunch and Bubbly.  Thanks to my partner and co-host, my beautiful mother, and a stellar group of bridesmaids my vision came to beautiful life and I can’t wait to share it with you.  Enjoy! 

Invitations
After many hours on Etsy, I found the perfect invitation for the shower.  Actually, I should be more precise; I found the perfect designer.  Finding this invite, I loved the look but wanted the invite to be landscape as well as to incorporate several other customizations. Let me tell you, Linda of Paper Invitations was phenomenal.  Before I even purchased the invite she was off making adjustments for me to view.  She changed orientation, font, sizing, wording, and even changed and added in different flowers.  After emailing back and forth 5-6 times she created the invitation I was hoping for – I loved it.  And so did our guests.  I got so many compliments on how beautiful the invites were.  If you’re in need, go to Paper Invitations on Etsy and hit up Linda.  You’ll love her.

Bubbly bar
My sister loves champagne.  If she’s having a bad day or a good day you can guarantee that her drink of choice is a glass of bubbly.  So, of course I knew that this was something we had to incorporate into her bridal shower.  With so many adorable Mimosa bar set-ups floating through Pinterest, I was off and running with ideas.  My favorite aspects were the bubbly bar sign, crafted by one of the bridesmaids and the giant Champagne challis that I borrowed from a friend.  The bubbly bar was an absolute hit!

Guestbook
Looking back at my own bridal shower, I have a hard time remembering every single person who was there.  So, I knew that I wanted to come up with a way to document each person who attended my sister’s shower.  And this Instax Camera guestbook was the perfect way to do that.  As guests arrived at the shower we snapped their pic with the bride, waited for it to develop and stuck it in the book along with a note from each of the guests.  The next day, my sister texted me saying she got a little teary eyed looking at the pictures and reading the notes; I’d consider that a success. 

Succulent favors
If I could get married all over again, I totes would’ve loved to have succulent favors.  So I’m not going to lie, I was living vicariously through this one a little bit.  But they turned out so adorable. I found an amazing website, The Succulent Source, where I ordered my succulents.  As a smaller family business, they are all about customer service and made everything an incredibly smooth process.  And, their prices were outstanding!!  My box of 35 succulents arrived carefully packed and in one piece, and even packed with an extra succulent just in case. I highly recommend The Succulent Source.

Upon receiving the succulents, I re-potted them into 3” terracotta pots and got to work on the mini-signs I found on this blog.  I spray painted a few sticks gold, bought gold polka dotted washi tape to attach the signs to the sticks, and strung the thank you signs with gold and white bakers twine; the favors were set.  Guests were floored when they saw the favors and realized they each got to take home their own cute little succulent. 

Flower centerpieces
Creating the flower centerpieces was the most challenging and the most rewarding aspect for me.  I had a pretty good idea of what I was hoping for but wasn’t sure where I was going to find the flowers without going ridiculously over budget.  And Trader Joe’s came to my rescue.  Seriously, I can’t recommend them enough for their flowers.  They have a great selection, get new shipments in multiple times throughout the week, and their prices…  Oh my goodness, their prices are about half of those anywhere else, and I swear the quality is better too.  Believe it or not, I was able to put together 6 bigger centerpieces, and 2 smaller mason jar sized ones – all for 56.00.  What?  Seriously.  Other places I looked quoted me $70.00 and over.  Write that down, Trader Joe’s for the win. 

After multiple trips to all the Trader Joe’s in the area, I had the right selection of flowers, popped in my headphones, listened to Spotify and started designing.  I channeled my inner florist and these beautiful arrangements are what I came up with.  I was pretty proud.   

Personal Touches
My main goal for the shower was for my sister to walk away feeling overwhelmed with love and joy.  In order to make that happen I wanted to add some personal touches to the shower.  Displaying engagement pictures in cork stands, playing some of her favorite music by Lauren Daigle and other artists softly in the background, and bringing in one of her all time favorite games, Catch Phrase – I made sure to give the shower the ultimate Steph feel.  And I might've brought in a few things that I love too, like a bridal tassel garland (you can find the diy in my 1920s Birthday party post ) and giving myself the job of creating the bow bouquet.  Call me crazy, but I love that job!  I remember getting to create one for my older cousin when I was younger and loved it.  

Reflecting
Being a maid of honor, I’ve realized how great a responsibility the role is, but beyond that I’ve realized its significance.  This is the one time in my life where I can love on my sister in a superlatively tangible way, and I want to take that seriously.  I want to overwhelm my sister with love, support, encouragement and as much stress-relief as I possibly can to nurture this time that she has to prepare for her marriage. 

If you’re standing up in a wedding, can I encourage you to look past the stress, cost, and somewhat inconvenient side of being a bridesmaid and focus on the incredible opportunity you have to love on the bride?  Throwing this shower was the epitome of this opportunity – putting all the details together, I got the immense joy of seeing my sister’s face light up when she walked in the room and hear her excitement and thankfulness as she walked away overcome with love. 

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Thanks again to the bridesmaids, and my friend Sondra who made food for the shower, and to Delores and Ron who hosted us at their community room. And an extra special thanks to my mom for being my partner in crime and co-hosting with me.  

Strong and Immovable

Sitting on the closed toilet seat in the downstairs bathroom of my childhood home, I stared at my sister and in all seriousness said, “I don’t have a choice.  I have to run away.”  Growing up, my sister and I hated the dentist.  We took good care of our teeth, brushed twice daily and rarely had a cavity.  But the “ducky” – the foam, gel-filled plates pressed over both top and bottom teeth, oozing fluoride that inched itself irritably close to our hangy ball for five dreadful, gaggable minutes – that was enough to make the dentist terrifying.  And most definitely worth running away from.  I’m not sure how my sister responded, or how I decided not to run away but what I do know is that fear and anxiety is still very real in my life.

Sunday evening as I looked at my upcoming week, my shoulders began to rise up by my ears as tension increased and anxiety waved hello.  And guess what one of the causes was?  The good ‘ole dentist.  I don’t know whether to blame the ducky, or the fear that Dr. J might find something deathly wrong in my mouth, but every 6 months, when I drive 20 miles to my childhood dentist, I fight nerves.  Feeling overwhelmed and defeated by my upcoming week, I aimlessly scrolled through Instagram to find a post from a fellow Influence Network gal with a visual that said, “Be strong and Immovable.” Without even reading the caption, I knew that this was the mantra I needed for my week. 

Anxiety is a mental conflict between lies and truth.  What could simply be a harmless dentist appointment and a busy week, suddenly becomes a crippling, “I’m going to have 17 cavities and maybe a few root canals.  Stress is going to dominate me.  I’m not going to have a moment to breathe.  I’ll probably end up getting sick and well, crankiness is inevitable. I’m not going to be able to handle it.”  But the truth is, because of God – I am strong and immovable.  Through Christ’s death on the cross, the same power that God used to part the Red Sea, to move mountains, to defeat the evil one through Jesus, lives in me.  A song called “Same Power” by Jeremy Camp says this so well as the chorus proclaims, “The same power that rose Jesus from the grave, the same power that commands the dead to wake, lives in us, lives in us.” This truth, this awe-inspiring, earth shattering truth that Christ’s power lives in me, that is what makes me strong and immovable.

Challenged by the words from 1 Corinthians 15:58 that say, “So, my dear brothers and sisters, be strong and immovable” my dreary, dentist-clad, perspective for the week flipped.  Instead of preparing for a week of heaviness and defeat, I geared up for a battle that I was certain to win. Halfway through my week, with zero cavities might I add, I can honestly say that claiming this gospel-filled mantra 100% impacted my week. 

Friends, let me tell you – you too, are strong and immovable.  If you believe in your heart and proclaim with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, you too have His incredible power living in you.  There is no mountain you face, no dentist appointment too scary, no health report, no anxiety too great, that you cannot counter with the help of our awesome God. 

When anxiety ensues, take a deep breath and utter "I am strong and immovable".  I know this may seem silly, but speaking truth is powerful.  Own it, proclaim it, and watch how it affects your day.  I promise you, it’s worth it. 

-- image from our recent trip to South Dakota
This was taken at one of the outlooks on Needles Highway -- 

Summer Break

I began summer with a lot of goals.  Write one blog post a week, submit an article to a new publication once a month, read more blogs and books, all while perfectly maintaining the regular weekly activities.  Starting out strong, I was dominating my plan and determined to stick with it.  And then life got in the way…  Helping plan my sister’s wedding became top priority, friends on summer break beckoned for coffee mid-day, and weekend plans jam-packed the calendar.  Suddenly every moment was filled, and the time I had allotted for writing disappeared.  And frustration bubbled.  Instead of thoroughly enjoying time with my sister at the mall shopping for wedding shoes, I couldn’t get rid of the nagging feeling “I should be writing; I should be knocking things off my list.”  Everything I was doing was good, great even, but what about my plan?!  Constantly torn between what I “should” and could be doing, there came a cranky day where exasperation took over and I said, “you know what? I give up!  I am the only one putting these limitations on myself so, forget them!"  As quickly as those words left my mouth, a weight lifted off my shoulders – I was free.  In those weeks of tug of war, it's as if God was saying to me – let it go sweet girl and focus on me!  Embrace me, abide in me; be joyful.  The rest can wait.  

In an online class I took through the Influence Network, co-founder and author Jess Connolly spoke about this very thing.  Titled “Abide” her main point of the class was, what if at the end of the day, our only question was, was I present in what the Lord led me to do?  What if I don’t care if I get ahead, or hit all my goals; but instead care about remaining in the Lord and allowing Him to determine my fruit?  

This is a constant struggle for me.  For so long, at the end of the day, my level of happiness has been based solely on whether or not I accomplished my to do list.  If I met a lot of my goals, then I’d be happy and proud.  I’d pat myself on the back with a smile and think, I did great today!   But then on the flip side, if I felt called to rest, I'd try to enjoy it, but really inside all I could think was, "You suck.  You have accomplished nothing.  Rest is for the weak."  This summer, God really challenged me in this thinking.  Realizing that He was asking me to throw out my expectations and simply abide in Him, I felt free.  Free to soak up special moments with my sister planning her wedding, to sit on the beach with a dear friend as we talked through our reading from Wild and Free, and free to rest, letting the Lord refuel me in the way that only He knows how.  

Purposefully allowing expectations to be unmet is extremely challenging; but if that means following the Lord's lead and experiencing freedom, then it's worth it.  Although this summer was different than I imagined, and I took an unintentional summer break from writing, I am so thankful for the way God taught me to more fully allow Him to order my steps.  

If you’re struggling with meeting your own goals or expectations, I want to encourage you to check those with the Lord.  Are those expectations that you are laying on yourself?  Or are they goals that the Lord has for you?  Together, let’s embrace the freedom that comes from letting the Lord determine our steps.  With confidence let us say, “I don’t care how I end this day.  What I care about is that I’ve pursued the Lord.” 

Hope for Milwaukee

I hate the news.  As soon as it pops onto my TV, you can be assured that I quickly change the channel, but not before the words “ugh, I hate the news” escape my mouth.  Overloaded with despair as the headlines proclaim the latest act of terrorism or hatred, I choose not to watch.  I always end up hearing what I need to know either through good ole social media or simple word of mouth, so I figure, why bother tuning in.  But this weekend was different.  Obsessed with the Olympics, I turned on our local channel expecting to hear the nightly wrap up, see the medal count, and maybe catch an interview with Michael Phelps.  Instead, I was greeted with live breaking coverage of a fire broken out in a neighborhood ten minutes from me.  Confused and quickly catching up on what was happening, I was shocked when I realized that a riot had broken out in Milwaukee.  Businesses were burned down, bricks were thrown, and countless shots were fired. The vicious cycle of violence upon violence had found its way into my city. 

That kind of evil isn’t supposed to come here. This isn’t supposed to happen in my city; that’s just something that happens far away on the news.  I have friends who live in that neighborhood.  I attended church just steps away from Sherman Park.  That burning gas station is on my way to physical therapy.  The cops that are in riot gear as if in a war torn land respond to my calls.  The people affected by the fires and the chaos, are parents of the students where my sister teaches.  This time, I couldn’t shut off the TV.  With an open mouth and a heavy heart I watched as the riot progressed and the fires multiplied.

I awoke Sunday with a heavy heart.  I struggled to join in with worship at church because it felt too joyful.  It didn’t feel right to be happy and praising when people’s businesses had been destroyed and fear instilled the hearts of an entire community.  Feeling angry and torn, I mouthed the words and sang lightly without passion.  But then it hit me, I can praise because there is hope. God did not intend for life to look like this. He created the world perfect, without sadness, without pain, without death – but when sin came into the world that perfection was broken.   Sin entered in, and with it came terrorism, racism, hatred, and destruction.  When this happened, God’s heart was broken – and continues to break every time a tear falls.  But, God found a way to restore the brokenness, to defeat the power of sin by sacrificing His son to the cross.  Through Jesus’ death on the cross, this darkness that we see, that we experience day in and day out is not the end.  Colossians 2:15 says, “And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross.”  Evil will not win. 

For a moment, put yourself in the shoes of the families who live in the area where the riots took place.  Imagine nonstop sirens and chaos filling your streets.  Take a deep breath and envision your lungs filled with smoke from one of the five fires surrounding your neighborhood.  Consider the anger you’d feel towards the violence happening in your backyard.  Towards the people causing your children fear more real than monsters under their beds.  Think about the challenge to raise your children, confident and kind, when the world is commonly raised to answer hate with more hate.   Now consider this – what if you thought that’s all there was?  What if you didn’t know that there’s a God who loves you no matter what?  What if you didn’t know that Christ conquered the power of sin and death and that this violence will end?  What if you didn’t know that there was hope? 

Without hope, I would be terrified.  I would have a terrible time encouraging my children that there’s good people left in the world. I would be angry.  And let’s be honest, I’d probably be throwing bricks too. 

When this world is a hot mess, when the news is screaming bloody murder, we have to cling to the hope we have in Christ and we have to proclaim it.  As followers of Christ, who know that there is such a thing as perfect love that drives out all fear, we have to play a role in making that known.  Instead of joining the argument, trying to explain away what happened or justify from our own knowledge, we need to speak truth about our God who saves. 

I don’t have all the answers.  And I am most definitely not claiming to know what it felt like to be on either side of this destruction.  But I do know that our response must be love.   1 Peter 4:8 says, “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”

When we are tempted to join in the anger of our city, let’s stand firm in the love of our savior Jesus Christ.  Let’s pray for the angry, for the scared, for the police, for the Sherman Park community, for the innocent children, for the youth needing courage to stand up against peer pressure, for those choosing violence instead of peace, and above all else, let’s pray for Jesus’ name to be known. 

My heart continues to break for Milwaukee – for my city, for my people, for my neighbors.  But I know that there is hope.  Tonight I’m praying and proclaiming these lyrics by Rend Collective over our city, and my prayer is that you might join me. 

We are Your church
We are the hope on earth

Build Your kingdom here
Let the darkness fear
Show Your mighty hand
Heal our streets and land
Set Your church on fire
Win this nation back
Change the atmosphere
Build Your kingdom here
We pray

- image of my sweet friend for her 16th birthday -

"If, then" kind of love

One of the reasons I fell in love with my husband was, I adored the way his phone conversations with his dad always ended with “I love you”.  Hearing him proudly communicate his love to his family was super sweet, and honestly really sexy.   And now, 9 years later after those words rolled off our tongues, I continue to be the lucky recipient.  At work, with his buddies, or in the quiet of our bedroom, Chris constantly tells me that he loves me.  But somehow, I’ve developed a bad habit.   Several times throughout the week (or sometimes in one night) I ask Chris, “Do you still love me?” 

Reading the book Wild and Free by Jess Connolly and Hayley Morgan, (which I cannot stop raving about) I came across a line that read, “The world says you are good ‘if…’ – but God says you are good, period.”  I stopped reading and the rabbit trail began.   Do I really believe that?  Like really believe that?  If I do, then why do I operate as if God’s love is dependent on me?  Why do I think that if I do something really great for God’s name, then He might love me more? Or that if I act like a complete jerk spouting mean words, He might love me less than the day where I graciously help my friends?

Zephaniah 3:17 says, “The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save.  He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.”  Friends, God’s love for us is not an “if, then” statement.   Nowhere in the Bible will you find a sentence that says, if you do this, then God will love you.  Just as Jess Connolly said in Wild and Free, God says you are good, period.  And nothing we do, either good or bad, will ever change that.  So why is it that I can’t wrap my mind around the fact that God’s love is unconditional? 

Unfortunately, we live in a broken culture where someone might not like us because we look different, or sound different, or represent a different political party (good grief).  And for that reason, it makes it ridiculously difficult to grasp that someone might love us unconditionally. When I ask Chris, “Do you still love me?” the problem isn’t him; it’s me.  Originating in my insecurity, fear births the thought that if I don’t have the dishes done or the laundry folded by the time he gets home, he might love me less.  But even after the 19th time, Chris responds with a sweet sigh and maybe a little eye roll, “Of course I love you.  You know that!”

We have a heavenly Father who is 100% capable of loving us without limits.  He takes great delight in us when we’re at our highest points and our lowest.  He will rejoice over us with singing, even if we have poop in our hair.  1 John 4:18 says, “There is no fear in love.  But perfect love drives out fear…” I know it’s hard to comprehend, but God is made of this perfect, fear-free, unconditional love.  There is absolutely nothing we can do to separate ourselves from His love.  And believing this, like really believing this leads us to life-changing freedom.

In this world, because of sin there’s no way we can love as perfectly as God because He alone is perfect.  But, we can sure try.  We can look for the best in each other, extend grace as much as physically possible, and lean into the Lord when our well has run dry.  Scripture says that others will know we are Christians by our love, and my prayer is that this might be true.  Together, let’s tap into the overwhelming, wildly unlimited, love of our Father and let it flow through us. 

image by Marissa maharaj

Don't Fall Asleep

When I have a nightmare, my husband, Chris literally pulls me out.  As I lay moaning in my sleep, he shakes me, yanking me back to reality.  Desperately, I scoot myself towards him and hide in his strong embrace.  Breathing steadier, yet still unwilling to move, beads of sweat roll down my calves as I recite scripture declaring Jesus’ victory on the cross and Chris prays over me.  Going through these all-too-familiar motions one night last week, I mustered the courage to walk the 12 feet required to reach the bathroom.  Halfway across the room I paused, turned back to Chris and demanded, “Don’t fall asleep.”  With a sensitive giggle he smiled and responded, “You sound like Jesus asking his disciples to stay awake when He was in the garden.”

A few days before Jesus was nailed to the cross, He went to the garden of Gethsemane with His disciples to pray.  Before going off to pray by himself, He asked them to sit and keep watch.  After spending time praying, He came back and found the disciples asleep.  Waking them up He said, “Could you men not keep watch with me for one hour?” (Matthew 26:40) And then, again, he asked them to keep watch and pray.  And yet again, his disciples fell asleep. 

Just as I wanted Chris to stay awake with me, to support me and join me in my fight against my icky nightmare, Jesus asked the disciples to support him in His fight.  But, here’s what strikes me.  Jesus, given all authority on heaven and earth by God, is entirely capable of fighting the evil one all by himself; He proved that through his triumph on the cross.  And yet He chooses not to do it alone.  He asks the disciples to help him, to keep watch and pray.

Jesus’ example in the garden, not only communicates that He wants us, his disciples, to join Him in the fight, but also demonstrates how much we need each other.  God did not create us to do life alone.  He created us as the body of Christ.  Romans 12:5 says, “so in Christ, we who are many form one body and each member belongs to all the others.”  Like the leg needs the foot to walk, we are created to lean on and support each other through every step in life. 

Could I wake from my nightmares without Chris’ help?  Yes, of course.  With Christ in me, I could calm myself down.  If I’m sad, can I quiet my tears and deal with whatever troubles me on my own?  Yes, I could… but when my husband is right there with a comforting squeeze and words to encourage me, why would I choose to go it alone? God doesn’t want me to go it alone!  He longs for me to reach out to the body of Christ, in this case my husband, and lean on him for support. 

Friends, we need each other.  Especially now when there is so much brokenness in our hurting world.  We need to speak truth to each other, to proclaim the name of Jesus when others can’t, and to quiet each other’s tears with our love.  God gave us a support system through the body of Christ, but it is our job to utilize it.  The action point for this is two-fold.  We need to ask for help instead of trying to do it alone.  And we need to give support even when it’s not requested. 

What Jesus asks for in the garden is not astronomical. He simply says, “Keep watch and pray.”  Let’s not be like the disciples in Gethsemane and fall asleep on the job.  Let’s be alert, look for opportunities to support each other and pray.

- image by Marissa Maharaj - 

Wild and Free

I’ve always had a thing for hair.  I’ve grown it long, cut it super short Victoria Beckham style and once I broke my vow to never dye my hair, the real fun began.  If you know me since college, you know I’ve been a dark brunette, a bright blonde, had chunks of purple-red, played with an ombré and now my hair is gray.  Yes, that’s right, I chose to have gray hair. And here’s why. 

I decided that my 30th year is going to be one of risk and fun. I want to put myself out there, not hold back and create opportunities for fun.  Having a crush on the gray hair trend for awhile, I decided hey that would be super fun!  (And a bit risky not knowing how it’d turn out hah) So I went for it.  Why not?  I mean it’s just hair, it can be changed and YOLO! Am I right?

But honestly it’s more than that.  I am reading a book called Wild and Free by Hayley Morgan and Jess Connolly and it’s all about embracing the women that God created us to be.  The heart behind the book is, “He is the one who calls us to be wild- walking in who God created us to be.  And He is the one who calls us to be free – resting in what Jesus has done for us.”    Deliberating over whether or not to go for the grey hair, I realized that the only thing holding me back was a fear of what others might think.  And that shook me a bit.  I’m only a few chapters in, but I’ve really been challenged by the thought of – how often do I limit who I am, who God created me to be, because I’m afraid of what others might think?

I love temporary tattoos so why do I feel like I need to hide the one on my arm when I’m at yoga class?  When I hear one of my favorite jams, I wanna jam out, bop my shoulders and sing obnoxiously in the car but why do I dial it back when I realize people are watching me?  My first day in public with my grey hair I was nervous going to the grocery store – what if I run into someone I know?  What will the butcher think when he sees my no longer blonde hair?  Realizing all of this, it makes me angry because that is not what God desires for me.  Galatians 5:1 says, “It is for freedom Christ has set us free.”  God did not call us to be timid or fearful – He created us to live wildly and freely knowing that our identity is not in our hair color, body type or career, it is in Jesus. 

Looking in the mirror at the hair salon, my eyes were wide with excitement.  I did it!  My hair was full on grey.  Sure, it may be a little out there but, dying my hair this granny color is a tiny piece, a baby step, toward me living in the freedom of who God created me to be. 

If there’s something that you’ve been dying to do, but you’re holding back because you’re afraid of what others might think of you – check that fear and get to it.  Own that bright red lipstick, the purple hair, or the choice to seek your dream job. Together let's get a little wild and live freely in who God created us to be.  

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If you're looking for a good read this summer, I'd love to invite you to read Wild and Free with me!  I'm only a few chapters in and this book has already inspired me.  I'd love to hear how it inspires you!   
 

VIP at the Ellen Show

After my 1920s themed birthday party, I basked in the success of a joy-filled soirée and thought – what a monumental way to enter my 30s.  That was until one morning I yanked tissue paper out of a gift bag to find Ellen sweatpants accompanied by a note that read, “What better way to celebrate your 30th birthday than to get your dance party on…” With wide eyes I exclaimed, “Are we really going?!”  I could not believe it; I was going to the Ellen show!

The surprise

Back in January my sister decided, “Min is going to the Ellen show for her 30th birthday.” With a trip to California already in the works for my cousin’s wedding, the set up was perfect.  All that was needed were tickets to the show.  Valiantly, my sister wrote to Ellen telling her how much I loved her and how this would be the perfect 30th celebration.  But time ticked away with no response and called for a new approach.  My mom stepped in and reached out to her brother who lives in Los Angeles saying, “Help!  Do you happen to know anyone who could get us tickets for the Ellen show?”  And then the magic happened.  Praise God for a friend of a friend who works in the show business, three VIP tickets were secured with our names on them.

With flights purchased and everything arranged, (even the duration of the trip pre-determined by the Ellen show, much to my surprise) all that was left was to determine how they wanted to reveal the surprise and wait for the day to come...   

Opening presents at my family birthday dinner, I was given a note that said, “The celebration doesn’t stop! There’s more ahead to come, so hold on to your hat till then we’re going to have some fun.  So look around and you will find a note for every day. We love you, oh so very much, Hooray, it’s your 30th this May!”  A little confused and pleasantly surprised, I was sent off to find my first note.  Attached to a bottle of nail polish, the note alluded to a celebration that was to continue all the way to California, where we were headed later that week.  Not quite sure what that meant, I was flattered when each day from there on out I found a note accompanied by a sweet treat like candy, or my favorite, a gift certificate to Cranky Al's, the local donut shop.  I had no idea what was to come when we reached California. 

On the flight to Burbank I started to get nosey.  What was this mysterious celebration?  What were we doing?  When will I know?  And in the back of my mind I dreamed, what if we’re going to the Ellen show? Are we going to the Ellen show?!?  My poor sister, stuck next to me on the flight, was about to poke her eyes out as she feared the surprise was unraveling.  But with a little help from my mom, the fam successfully evaded the question and convinced me to simply wait.

Finally, the morning of the infamous celebration came, and then this happened…

Never did I ever think I would experience what it felt like to squeal the words, “I’M GOING TO THE ELLEN SHOW!!!!!” My incredible family pulled off an epic, dream-come-true surprise. 

Going to the show: the inside scoop

Once you have tickets, attending the Ellen show is an incredibly smooth process.  We were hardly there for 5 minutes after checking in and receiving a VIP pass, when we were whisked across the street to the studio.  Getting more and more animated with every inch closer, I could not contain my excitement.  Clearly… 

Entering the building, we made our way through metal detectors; which, if you watch Ellen regularly is the spot where Justin Bieber pranked some audience members.  (Unfortunately, I was not quite as lucky as those women.) After 20 minutes of giddy chatter, numerous selfies and loads of anxious excitement, doors were opened to reveal the Riff Raff room full of Ellen gear sold by Ari the intern.  We were escorted to the far end of the room to await invitation into the studio.  About 30 minutes later, the moment came and all the VIP pass holders made an organized, yet, hustled dash for the staircase leading to the studio.  Tense with anticipation, I was elated when we were directed to the 2nd row, a mere 10 feet from Twitch’s DJ booth. 

The exhilaration in the studio was electric.   As the “audience director guy” got us dancing, informed us of the air date, and demonstrated signals of when to amp up our applause, the energy swelled.  And then, without a moment’s warning, the stage doors opened and out twitched Twitch!  Being a fan of Twitch since his beginnings on So You Think You Can Dance, this alone was a milestone.  Dancing right past me up the aisle, I gaped in awe at his flawlessly timed, ticking perfection. 

Just as suddenly as Twitch hopped out, the audience director simply said, “… and here’s Ellen!!”  The anticipation in the room exploded into euphoric joy and pent up excitement spewed from my body.  Completely overwhelmed by the surprise and the fact that Ellen was about 15 feet in front of me, I couldn’t resist the tears that welled up in the corner of my eyes.  A little weak in the knees as I clapped and cheered my heart out, I fought the urge to reach out and hug Ellen as she danced right past me.  It was surreal. 

From there, the rest of the show was a blur.  Christina Aguilera, Bryce Dallas Howard and Kym Douglas were the guests for the day.  Commercial breaks were filled with music and dance battles as Ellen received direction from her production team and prepped for the next segment.   Per usual, she ran a smooth and joy-filled episode.  (And we won $150.00 courtesy of Sherwin Williams!)

My favorite part of the episode was a part that didn’t air.  Instead of rushing off after the taping wrapped, Ellen stopped to speak to us.  With her sweet, gentle spirit she thanked us for being there and commented on how great the energy was and how much she appreciated us knowing some had traveled from afar.  Her caring and generous personality is not just for show, it’s legit; and that’s why I love her so much.  Then, with a pump-worthy jam, Ellen and Twitch met in front of the stage doors and danced together.  Singing and grooving to the music with smiles on their faces, simultaneously they waved and exited the studio.

Re-living this day, I am still overwhelmed.  In John 10:10, Jesus said, “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”  This day was most definitely full; and I have my incredible family to thank.  Thank you SO much to my sweet sister for coming up with the idea and to my mom, dad, uncle, and husband for making it all happen.  The note was 100% right, “What better way to celebrate your 30th birthday than to get your dance party on…”

If you have the chance to celebrate, don’t hesitate.  There really is something to the practice of celebration. It’s an opportunity to experience an electric, euphoric, indescribably full kind of joy.  Plan something unbelievable and party your pants off. 

Bringing Light into Darkness

Shoving my carry-on in the overhead compartment, I slide in and take the window seat. I slip my tote bag underneath the seat in front of me, click my seatbelt into place and gaze out into the thick, grey sky. The sun is nowhere to be seen and the mood is overtly depressive. Pushing away from the jet bridge, we make our way to the runway and the bus on wings lifts off the ground.

Halfway through our climb, a ball of red light on the horizon catches my eye. Lost in a stare as I question where it’s coming from, we break through the clouds and my eyelids slam shut. Through squinted eyes, I discover its source — the sun. An intense, fiery orange-red sun kisses the top of the clouds with a soft red glow.  Despite its brightness, I can’t stop myself from looking because the sight is brilliant.

Amazed, I’m struck by the fact that the city beneath me is blanketed with gloom, yet here, I’m blinded by the sun. And then it hits me. How often do I feel overcome by darkness, forgetting the truth that the sun is just above the clouds? No matter how dark the skies are, or how heavy the storm is, the sun never leaves. We might not see it, but that doesn’t mean it took the day off allowing darkness to overcome it.

- - - 

This is the beginning of my guest post over on (in)courage; 
an amazing community whose goal is to encourage the hearts of women.  
Click here to read the entire article.

Want to learn more about (in)courage, their hearts for Christ and find out how you can sign up to receive daily encouragement right in your inbox? click here.   

Go immediately

This morning I opened my Bible and started a new study in the book of Galatians.  The way I like to study is by slowly working my way through the book, one chapter at a time.  Anytime something strikes me, I stop, re-read the verses and ask questions.  What is the author saying here?  Why did it strike me?  What is God saying to me through this verse?  Today, in the first chapter of Galatians, verses 15-17 prompted me to do just that. 

Galatians 1:15-17 says, 
"But when God, who set me apart from birth and called me by his grace, was pleased to reveal his Son in me so that I might preach him among the Gentiles, I did not consult any man, nor did I go to Jerusalem to see those who were apostles before I was, but I went immediately into Arabia and later returned to Damascus."

Here's what jumped out at me - But when God... called me by his grace... I did not consult any man... but I went immediately.  Take a minute to think about that.  Paul, this Jew who was in full persecution mode wreaking havoc on followers of Christ, learned about the gospel in a unique manner.  He didn't come to know God through other men, but by direct revelation from Jesus Christ.  And in that moment, when God called him, he didn't hesitate.  He didn't stop to ask his friends, "hey guys, do you think this makes sense?  Isn't that weird?  These guys I was persecuting, I think they might have it right!"  He didn't go talk to the apostles who were already established in their faith.  He went immediately.  

His powerful example blows my mind and really challenges me.  How often do I hesitate when I feel that God is calling me to do something or say something?  How often do I hem and haw; is God saying that?  Or is that me thinking it?  I think about this a lot in regards to my writing.  I had a feeling that God was calling me to write but I waited, I questioned, and continued in my own way.  Then finally I submitted.  I said okay God, if this is your call, if this is what you want me to do for you then I am all in. 

God is before all things and in Him all things hold together - so why do we doubt what He has for us?  Paul's example demonstrates this mightily as verse 24 says, "And they praised God because of me."  If God can change a man who brutally tortured and slaughtered believers, into someone who pointed so many to His glory, then why wouldn't we trust that He will equip us and transform us for the call that He places on our lives?  When God calls me to do something, I want to be like Paul and go immediately.  Without even a moment's hesitation I want to surrender myself fully and trust that He will lead me.  

If you feel God's call, can I ask you - are you jumping into motion?  If not, let me encourage you - GO IMMEDIATELY. Trust in our everlasting, ever-loving God who knows what is best for you.  If He is leading you there, He will not desert you.  Get excited about where He's directing you, and step faithfully.  

My 1920's Birthday Party

Birthdays have always been a time for celebration in my family.  Looking forward to my big 3-0 I knew that this year could be no less.  Known as an infamous milestone of transition into a new decade I decided I wanted to enter my 30’s with a fabulous bang.  And with that, my 1920s birthday party idea was born. 

Having dreamt of throwing a Gatsby party for years, ideas were flowing - I was ready and excited to make this a fabulous soirée.   I put quite a bit of thought and work into this (maybe a bit more than I’d like to admit) but it was so fun to channel my inner party planner and get creative.  Full of lots of glitter, diy décor, appetizers, a signature cocktail, photobooth, and of course a password to get in - everyone at the party had a BLAST.  So, without further ado, I’d like to share my party with you.

INvites

Knowing that I wanted the guest list to be a bit bigger since it was my big 30, but also small enough that I didn’t have to be in full on host mode, I landed on 30 guests and got to work on the invites. I found the perfect template and built my own custom invite via picmonkey.  I spent a few hours designing and was really excited with how they turned out.  I saved the images to my phone and sent them off to my guests via text.  Easiest, most convenient invite process. 

DÉCOR

Pinterest was my BFF for coming up with the décor (Check out my 1920s Birthday Party Pinterest board).  It was fun to get a little crafty and sparkle like a vampire covered in glitter for days.  With glitter champagne bottles, gold and black tassel garland, fun signs, a bar cart, and Gatsby-inspired florals created by Jane Kelly Floral, our home transformed into the swanky Larsen Speakeasy.  

diy tips:

For the glitter champagne bottles:
I used Krylon High Adhesive Spray, Gold glitter, and Mod Podge Acrylic Sealer.  Spraying the sealer to set the glitter is incredibly important unless you want glitter to fall off every time you move the bottles.

For the tassel garland:
The gold, off-white and black tissue paper, gold tape for around the top of the tassels, and the gold string were all found at Target.  The metallic gold tissue paper was a bit harder to hunt down, but I found it at Michaels. 

For the signs:
There are tons of free Gatsby-inspired fonts for you to download.  After my husband found this link, I downloaded a few fonts and started designing.  Printed on a few gold, glittery pieces of cardstock and popped into some frames I had at home, the signs worked out great. 

Food

Since this was a classy soirée my husband and I went with an appetizer spread of cheese and veggies, caprese skewers, Italian pasta salad, delicious Asian meatballs, and of course CAKE!  My brain was in full party-mode once the food was out, so all I have is a pic of the gorgeous and delicious cake made by my friend Kelli.

Cocktails

At the Larsen Speakeasy, we wanted the cocktails to be a highlight.  We landed on a mix of bourbon, gin, and vodka, as well as a plethora of craft beers.  We bought supplies for a few craft cocktails and decided to make a signature cocktail.  The Last Word, a tasty craft cocktail from prohibition times was perfect.  Upon arrival, each guest received The Last Word served in a mixture of vintage champagne coupe glasses from a local antique store.  It was a HUGE hit- they kept coming back for more.  This is a cocktail you’ll want to try.  
Hint: the recipe calls for Green Chartreuse which is $50.00 a bottle!! Skip that and opt for a slightly cheaper, but just as tasty option Dolin Genepy des Alpes. You'll save $20.00 and won't miss out on any flavor.  

ATTIRE

I was incredibly impressed with how everyone went all out for my party.  Everyone looked fantastic and from the sounds of it, had a great time putting together their outfits. I decided to go a little out of the box and found this gem on Amazon.  At 34.99, it didn’t break the bank, and added the glitz I needed as the birthday girl ;)

For the women: the easiest way to turn a standard little black dress into 1920s is to add a little fringe, a boa, some long black gloves, and of course a headband.  Throw on some pearls, some red lipstick and you’re set. 

For the men: suit up dudes!  Bow ties, suspenders, a mustache and a fedora make it simple to transform into a 1920s gentleman.  Or, go all gangster and throw in a tommy gun. 

Tip: To add a little motivation, I texted our guests a week before the party informing them there would be a prize for the best dressed male and female.  With the votes in towards the end of the party, the winners were chosen and awarded their prizes- mini champagne bottles.  

Need some inspiration? – google 1920s party attire, or check out our Photo Booth pics below!

PHOTOBOOTH

This was definitely the part I was most excited about and was probably the biggest hit of the party.  Who doesn’t love a good photobooth?  It brings an extra piece of fun to the party and gives guests an activity throughout the evening. 

After a lot of searching and reading reviews, I found this amazing backdrop on Amazon.  Thanks to good old Command hooks, I hung the backdrop in our entryway giving the photobooth a space all to itself.  With diy props like a mustache, top hat, lips, and glasses, (traced on my computer and glued on straws I purchased for the bar cart) mixed with some random costumes from Halloween, the selection was a great hodge podge.  With the option of using a selfie stick, or my Canon DSLR set up on a tripod with a remote, the tripod ended up being the way to go.  Lining it up the night before, and marking the spot with tape on the floor in case it got bumped (which it did) the tripod worked out great.  All it took was showing a few people how to use the remote, and the photobooth was in constant use for the entire evening. 

the details

If you’re throwing a 1920s party, the fun is in the details.  

Password

The morning of the party I finally revealed the password to my guests.  I texted them the following message,  “Dearest friends, the day has come for the soirée at the Larsen Speakeasy!!! And with it, it's time for the password.  Upon arrival at insert address, make your way up the driveway and find the backdoor. Ring the doorbell to announce your arrival and enter. Dust off those shoes and enter the kitchen. Head to the brown door and there, you'll find further instructions on how to use your password. The password is ZOZZLED.”

Once inside the kitchen, on the door was a sign that said “Knock 3 times, say the password, and wait…”  It was so fun to be inside the party, hear everyone hush as three knocks were heard and ZOZZLED was shouted through the closed door.  After hearing the 1920s slang word, the door was opened and the party began. 

Candy Cigarettes

Having loved Candy Cigarettes as a kid, I purchased a box from Amazon as my party favor.  It was too funny to watch people holding their cigarettes and smoking the night away.   I’d highly recommend these as an addition to your party.

The raid

Last but not least, the raid.  The whole purpose of a speakeasy was to drink during prohibition without the cops finding out.  So, to add an element of surprise for my guests I organized a raid.  My parents are the sweetest, most loving, and always up for fun, so I knew they would be the perfect ones for the job.  As soon as I presented the idea to my mom she was off on the hunt for the attire of a 1920s cop.  Once all the guests arrived and darkness fell, my parents shined flashlights in the windows and pounded on the door.  Quickly, I ran over to turn down the music, acted as scared as possible and said “Oh my gosh, QUIET!  The COPS are here!”  With a loud scuffle the cops bust in with flashlights and billy clubs and threatened to shut down the party.  The guests went wild.  Seeing the surprise on their faces as they recognized my parents was a hoot. 

looking back

This might be my longest blog post ever, but I'm so glad I had the chance to look back, document it and maybe help someone plan their very own 1920s party.  I thoroughly enjoyed saying farewell to my roaring twenties at the Larsen Speakeasy.  It was a lot of work, but the fun was in the details and I would do it all over again.  Watching my guests enjoy themselves and hearing remarks of how much fun they had at the party made it all worth it. 

God created us to enjoy the lives that He has given us.  He wants us to live them to the fullest, and soak up every minute.  So don’t let your birthday go uncelebrated.  Put in the work, plan that party, and dance your pants off.  You deserve it. 

Called to Peace

The other day I rolled over, looked at my alarm clock through squinty eyes and debated ditching yoga class.  After 5 minutes of deliberation I dragged myself out of bed, brushed my teeth, threw on my yoga gear and headed out the door.  One hour and 20 minutes later, feeling looser, euphoric and at peace, I thanked myself for mustering up the motivation to slide out of bed and wondered, how often do I miss opportunities to be at peace?  Colossians 3:15 says, “Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace.”  Reading this verse got me thinking, peace isn’t something that just happens. It is something we must choose. 

I don't know about you, but I often operate as if peace is beyond my control; like my peace quotient is based solely on the amount of stress, worries, or issues in my life.  But what I love about Colossians 3:15 is that Paul, the author of Colossians, destroys that myth as he says, “you were called to peace.” 

When someone calls you on the phone, you have the choice to answer or hit the little red “decline” button.  When a professor calls on you in class, you don't just stare at him or her, you attempt a correct answer.  If someone shouts your name across the parking lot, you turn, discover your caller and you shout back.  Being called to peace is just like any other call; it requires a response.  

Christ offers up His peace on a silver platter saying here, this is for you.  But, it’s up to us whether we take it or not.  At the beginning of the verse Paul says, “Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts.”  The key word, the action verb of that sentence is let.  If we want to experience the freedom of Christ’s peace, then we have to let it.  We have to allow His peace full reign in our hearts and minds.  And the only way to do that is to let Him have control over everything. 

Giving up control is like prying a vanilla sprinkle donut out of my hand ( let me tell you, I love me some donuts) – it’s near impossible.  The thought of letting go of parts of my life, especially loved ones, is terrifying!  Honestly, it's a constant fear that quickly sends me spinning into anxiety.  But, if letting go of control goes hand in hand with letting His peace rule in my life, then I need to do it regardless of the cost.  

Colossians 1:17 says, “He is before all things and in Him all things hold together.”  When I am in full panic mode, proclaiming this verse out loud and mentally clinging to its truth really helps me release control.  By visualizing that He already knows what is to come, and that He will hold me and all things together no matter what happens, I am able to loosen the grip on my fears and let His peace wash over me. 

This is not an easy task.  It's a constant struggle.  But if we really want to experience the freedom of peace, we have to let go and give Him the opportunity and power to rule in our hearts.  Before our feet even hit the floor, let's drown out our stress and anxieties by submerging ourselves in the ever-flowing fountain of Christ's peace. 

Spring Struggle

Springtime was always my favorite time of year on the campus of my alma mater Ripon College.  As soon as warmer temperatures arrived, the dorm lawns were littered with students.  Welcomed by the sun, blankets covered the grass as girls laid out to “study”, boys threw a football around or started up a game of ultimate Frisbee, and flirting was at an all time high.  As if triggered by warmer temperatures, talk of summer break, graduation, and new lives beginning, the campus was electric – buzzing with a sense of inspiration, motivation and excitement. 

For as long as I can remember, the first taste of spring has always brought excitement but with it comes a tinge of discontent.  I could never really put a finger on it, just embraced the butterflies that filled my gut at the smell of spring.  But this year I figured it out.  As spring brings newness to the earth, it makes me feel like there has to be something new and exciting in my life. 

As the trees transform from their empty state scratching the sky, our lives seem to call for a desperate breath of fresh, new air.  Suddenly, old relationships are broken off, and new sparks are flying.  Mantles are cleared of winter décor as even our homes cry for a new look.  The lawn beckons to be dealt with, the grills are uncovered, and weekends fill up with plans as winter hibernation expires.  Instead of being drawn inward, spring calls us out for a re-birth.  An active, motivated shift to start anew. 

I love that about spring.  Maybe that’s why springtime was my favorite season in college, as new things were always on the horizon; but what about when there isn’t something new, motivating or exciting?  I’m not in college anymore.  I’m not in a job where spring means an impending summer break.  I’m living life as a wife, kitty mama, and a writer.  And all of that stays the same with each and every weather change.  Without anything new and exciting on the horizon, that’s when my spring buzz transforms into discontent. Suddenly I find myself frustrated by the constant and envious of those embracing new change.

There’s a song by one of my favorite bands, Relient K that nails these emotions on the head.  Called High of 75 the lyrics say, “Because on and off the clouds have fought for control over the sky.  And lately the weather has been so bi-polar and consequently so have I.”  I mean seriously, have you experienced a Wisconsin spring?  That is the epitome of bi-polar right there.  But then the chorus goes on to say, “And now I’m sunny with a high of 75 since you took my heavy heart and made it light.  And it’s funny how you find you enjoy your life, when you’re happy to be alive.”  When I am dealing with these wonky spring-time feelings, I have a choice in how I want to respond.  I can either look around me and see these young pups darting off to exciting new careers, and watch my neighbor curate his beautifully landscaped yard with envy in my heart, or, I can find joy in what I do have.  High of 75 is my all-time favorite spring song because it names my bi-polar-like struggle between excitement and discontent, and then calls me out of it to focus on the beautiful weather and the joy of enjoying life.

Because of Christ, I have every reason to be light-hearted and happy to be alive.  And I think spring is a beautiful personification of that. Because of Him, winter is not the end.  The trees, plants and animals don’t just die off; spring comes and everything is re-born. Buds pop up on the trees, the grass turns lush and green, and chirping birds act as a morning alarm.  Through Christ’s death and resurrection, just like winter, our last breath is not the end.  In fact, it’s the beginning of a new life, a re-birth. 

When I am tempted to get caught up in my spring struggle, I want to focus on this beautiful representation of spring.  I want to embrace the desire for newness and allow it to motivate and inspire me to praise.  When spring has sprung, I want to soak up it’s warmth, roll down my windows and let High of 75 blare as a praise song to Him because He took my heavy heart and made it light. 

- image by Roost Photography - 

Sensitivity is not a weakness

Last week I took my cat, Finn, to the vet for his yearly wellness appointment only to return early the next morning upon discovering he had an allergic reaction to his vaccination.   Sitting in the waiting room while the vet administered a Benadryl shot, I made small talk with the receptionist.  With a somewhat snarky tone she said, “well, sometimes pets can sense when their owner is sensitive and then they play into it…” Nodding along politely, I thought to myself, “First of all, no.  That’s not the case.  Second of all, why is sensitivity always viewed as a bad thing?” 

Over the last five years, I’ve been struggling with a lot of weird things with my body.  If I don’t have enough water my right eye will twitch. If I wear a cross body purse over my left shoulder for hours my pectorals clamp like a vice around my clavicle.  If I keep my shoulders shrugged and type with my computer on my lap, the muscles in my forearm tighten around my ulnar nerve leaving me with a condition called golfer’s elbow.  I have a sensitive body.  It’s been an interesting and often frustrating (and painful) journey, but what I’ve discovered is, there are two ways of looking at sensitivity.

1. Negatively - My body is sensitive – meaning I am weak, fragile and delicate.
2. Positively - My body is sensitive – meaning I can become very aware of what my body needs

For who knows what reason, it seems that our culture heavily tends towards negative sensitivity like the first example.  Even Merriam-Webster claims the simple definition of sensitive as, “easily upset by the things people think or say about you.”  But is that really what it means?  I don’t think it is.  I believe that sensitivity is all about awareness – and the way we respond to it is what determines whether it is positive or negative. 

If I know that working at my desk and improving my posture as I type reduces stress on my forearm and decreases the painful effects of golfer’s elbow– then I can either choose to respond negatively, “UGH stupid delicate body! Why can’t I work from my comfy couch like a ‘normal’ person!!!” - OR - I can respond positively and say, “okay- this is good to know.  Now that I am aware of what my body needs, I will work at my desk so my arms may become comfortable and pain-free.”

Right now, I am clinging to positive sensitivity; partly because I don't want to be frustrated all the time, but mostly because I think it’s incredibly powerful.  Being more aware of my body has given me a unique opportunity to learn how to strengthen it in the way that it needs. And the same goes in relation to others.  The more sensitive I am to others’ feelings, the better I can decipher when my sister needs an extra hug, a glass of wine, or an appropriately timed gut-wrenching laugh. 

I don't think the word "sensitive" deserves the negative vibe that follows it around. I'd love to free it from its shadow and shed some light on its power because whether we allow it to be a weakness or a strength is completely up to us.  Instead of feeling judged by the vet tech, next time I want to respond with gratitude and say, “aww thank you – you are so right!  I am sensitive!  I am very aware of my sweet kitty and how he’s feeling.  I know him so well that I knew he was sick and needed to come in.”  Sensitivity isn't something to be ashamed of, it's an attribute to be proud of.  

If you, like me, consider yourself sensitive – rock on.  That means you are aware of yourself – you understand what makes you tick, you know what makes you happy – and my guess is, you’re pretty good at reading people.  Own that and use it for good.  Together, let’s transform sensitivity and use it to be better lovers of ourselves and others.   

- image by Roost Photography - 
@roostmke

The green lawnmower

Growing up in a two-story blue colonial with white shutters, nestled on 20 acres of land in a rural town, much of my childhood was spent outdoors.  Climbing trees, naming a specific grouping "the kingdom" because of their perfect, ladder-like limbs, chasing butterflies through the dandelions, trekking to the pond to catch slimy frogs and sticky toads, my sister and I loved playing outside.  But there's one memory that sticks out in my mind a bit more than all the others and that involves a green, riding lawnmower. 

If you grew up in the 80's or 90's, you know that everyone and their mother had a power wheel.  From pink Barbie-like cars, to red Jeeps, power wheels were the much coveted, coolest toys to have.  Over and over again, after riding our cousins' super cool, Jeep power wheel, my sister and I begged our parents for our very own.  And much to our disappointment, we never got one.  However, looking back it's clear that we didn't need one.  

Around the ages of 6 and 8, my dad taught us how to drive the green lawnmower on the "ride" aka the "not cutting" setting (which I now realize was a bit risky hah).  Donned with a black seat and a red lever that you pushed from the turtle to the rabbit to increase speed, this green machine instantly became our favorite toy.  We loved driving that thing.  Back by the pond, through the trees, around the swing set and over the mound that felt like a rollercoaster, we were in our very own power wheel heaven.  But, here's the funny part.  Being the little sister I hardly ever got to drive.  From "timing me" as I ran upstairs to grab her favorite toy (which I am pretty sure I have Full House to thank), to delegating the chores we were assigned on Saturday mornings, my sister was pretty good at getting me to do what she wanted.  But my favorite, was how she convinced me to let her be the sole driver of the lawnmower.  

Sharing the bucket seat and clinging on for dear life, the machine would jerk forward as my sister stepped on the gas pedal and directed us toward the swing set.  Coming to an abrupt stop, she'd say, "Min, let's pretend the swingset is the grocery store.  I will drop you off, you can get the groceries and I will pick you up later." Entranced in the story, I'd slide off the seat, say, "Ooh!  Okay Stephi! That sounds fun!" and run towards the make-believe grocery store.  "Bye Stephi!" I'd wave, "See you soon!!" And off she went.  Round and round the yard, stopping ever so briefly to say, "Okay Mindy, keep shopping! I'll come back and pick you up in a bit." Only to race off again.  I'd keep playing in the sand box, collecting "groceries" until finally, when she had her fill, she'd come back, pick me up, and maybe, maybe then I would get my turn driving.  

I love telling this story because we have so many fun memories of riding that lawnmower.  But I also love telling it because it gives me an opportunity to give my sister a hard time about all the years she tricked her innocent, little sister into doing anything and everything she wanted... ;)  I like pretending to be all angsty like, "look what you did to me back in the day."  But honestly, I did it all (and would do it all again) because of how much I love her.  From riding the green lawnmower, to joining game nights with friends in high school, to visiting in college, and being roomies for a few months before my wedding, my sister has always welcomed me to share life with her.  Now, living only ten houses apart, less than a two minute walk (I timed it) we are still doing life together; and I love it more than I love donuts (that is a lot).  She's my ultimate favorite person to be cranky with, knows just what I need to get a good, tummy hurting laugh and she's most supportive, "always has my back and will beat up whoever hurts me" big sister.

So, my dear sister, may this memory of our very own power wheel be a little ode to you.  Thank you for always letting me be a part of your world, even if it meant dropping me off at the "grocery store" so you could drive around like a wild woman.  I love you.  So much so, that I might even let you time me to see how long it takes for me to get you a glass of wine.  ;)