put the phone down….

Today I was listening to the local Christian radio and an ad came on that made me kind-of angry.  The K-love announcer was talking about smart phones; about how we are always pulling them out in dull moments like when you are waiting in the doctors office, for someone to meet you, or, in her example, in the line to pick kids up from school.  I nodded along with the ad thinking yup, that's me unfortunately.  But the next part really surprised me.  I cannot remember word for word what she said but it was something along the lines of this… "What should we do when we go to pull that phone out?  We have the answer for you.  Download the K-love app where you can connect with other Christians!"

I'm sorry, but what?!?  I think I even said that out loud to myself because that was SO not what I was expecting her to follow up with.  Being a Christian radio station I expected something more.  Instead of encouraging us to pull our phones out, to download yet another app on our iPhone, and spend even more time with our noses in technology, shouldn't we be challenged to put the phone down?!  Shouldn't we be encouraged to take those moments when we are sitting idle and waiting for the next appointment on our agenda to just sit and maybe look at the beautiful world right in front of our eyes?  Shouldn't we be challenged to spend those moments talking to the One who created us, to listen for Him, and to appreciate what He's given us in this real world beyond the little screen?  All the apps, the blogs, the games, sure, they have their place- but nothing should take the place of spending quality time with Him.  THAT is what I was expecting to hear from the K-love ad.  THAT is what I want to be reminded of.  THAT is what I need to be encouraged in.

Maybe you aren't in the same place as me.  Maybe you already do a good job of putting your phone down.  [If that's you, then Bravo!! I admire you!]  This is very much something I need to work on.  I have been terrible with wasting time on my phone lately.  TERRIBLE.  I'll pick up my phone, open my email, look at new ones, close that.   Open Instagram, scroll through, "like" a few photos, close that.  Open Facebook, scroll through the newsfeed, read any messages or notifications, close that.  Then I'll be like, "Mindy that's enough" click out of the apps, put down the phone, and then 2 minutes later I'm back looking at Facebook or Instagram for no reason.  Why?  Seriously. Why?  What am I possibly going to learn by checking my apps so frequently? And most importantly, how much am I going to learn about the Lord who loves me when my eyes are glued to my screen?

Less than a month ago, I shared about how putting my phone down over the holidays was such a blessing, about how it helped me in my pursuit to live out the Jim Elliot quote that says "Wherever you are, be all there."  It was so great being fully engaged in my surroundings and feeling more connected to the Lord; I was so proud!  Well… apparently I've had a relapse and slid back into the lame habit of filling way too many free minutes with my phone in my hand.  I guess I should have added this to my February To-Do list because I really need to work on this.  Maybe that means putting limits on how many times I can access an app a day?  Or taking full days off from using apps? Or having an analog weekend like some other bloggers I know?  I don't know, but it's time to get more disciplined.  There are lots of books to be read, sights to be seen (like the beautiful snow scene from snowshoeing with my family- image above), people to be appreciated, and a God who deserves to be worshipped- all of which do not require the iPhone.

Entrusting my kitty to the Lord

I'd like to introduce you to this little sweetness, the newest member of our family, Finn.  He has been a part of my life for just under 2 weeks now and he's already taken a little chunk of my heart.  I love how he follows me around the house, meows when he wants to be held, and the way his limbs go limp when he falls asleep on my lap. Watching him skid across the wood floor in the living room as he runs, jumps, and attacks his little toy mouse is so entertaining and brings many laughs and joy to my day.

When I went to the Humane Society, met this new little guy and felt the tug to take him home, I knew I'd love him, but I did not anticipate that I would grapple with a fear for his life and a call on my heart to entrust him to the Lord.

After adopting Finn and taking him to the vet- we discovered that he is not as healthy as we'd hoped.  He has some typical cat struggles like worms and an itchy annoyance of mites, both of which can be taken care of fairly easily.  Not a huge deal.  But in the process of dealing with these things, we realized there was more going on.  Concerned about his breathing rate being high, we went back to the vet to find out that not only does he have fluid in his lungs, but that a fatal disease might be the cause.  Cue anxious kitty mother.  Anxiety has been a struggle of mine off and on for years, but this was a new experience.  I felt like a new mom finding out that her sick baby might not pull through!  I know that sounds dramatic, but being responsible for his life, that's kinda what it feels like!

As I've grappled with this concern, had a few tears (yikes) and asked the Lord why He would give us this sweetness if He was just going to take it away in a few weeks, I've felt the pull on my heart to entrust Finn to the Lord.   At first this idea seemed a little weird to me as I thought, well he's not a child…he's just a kitty.  I found myself wondering whether the Lord really cared about my request as I prayed for Finn's health.  After all, I know He has much bigger concerns on His plate. But as I kept praying, I kept feeling that He does care and that He wanted me to entrust Finn to Him.  Thinking about this, I was reminded of the following verses.

In Matthew 6 Jesus teaches about the topic of not worrying- one that I must frequent often with my anxious tendencies.  In verse 26 he says, "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them." And then He goes on to say in verse 28, "And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin."  Re-reading these verses, I found a new comfort in them as I recognized our loving Father doesn't just care for us, but he provides and cares for every part of his creation!

God created this sweet little kitty, and has entrusted him into my care.  While he is with me, I am responsible for giving him a good home, loving him, training him to be a good kitty, feeding him and doing my part in keeping him healthy.  But beyond that, it is out of my control.  Beyond that, I must entrust him into the Lord's loving care and know that He knows what is best for his creation.  (What a good lesson to learn before having kids! ha)

As I sit here and type, and count Finn's breaths as he naps hoping that his breathing continues to improve, this call to entrust him to the Lord is not an easy one.  I wish there was something tangible that I could do to ensure that he would get through this.  But for now, I'm going to love him like crazy, keep giving him his medicine and pray that the Lord, who cares for my little fur ball of joy, would heal him.

Who knew I'd learn so much through a little kitty?!  The Lord sure does work in mysterious ways.

xoxo.  meow.

"Wherever you are, be all there."

One day in early December, an image similar to this one popped up across my Instagram feed from Free People.  Coming across this image, and also seeing several bloggers I follow use this same idea of being full present in our lives with the hashtag #presentDecember, I was challenged to make an adjustment in my life.  Going to Puerto Rico, and spending time with the family over Christmas, I tried really hard to put down the iPhone as much as possible and avoid it's crazy draw to be on social media, and instead focused on being fully present in each moment.  And let me tell you… it was so worth it.  

I thoroughly enjoyed leaving my phone in the other room as I celebrated Christmas with my in-laws, and fighting the urge to check Instagram while playing games and sharing a meal with my family.  It was like embracing a new kind of freedom!  Isn't that nuts?  It took away the distractions keeping me from fully embracing the special moments that I shared with my loved ones.  I am so glad that I made this effort, especially this Christmas, because it was a particularly difficult one, being the first Christmas without my grandpa.  

Losing my grandpa this past September, we all knew that the holiday season would feel weird and sad without him.  Being prepared for this, we made a special effort to spend lots of quality time with each other.  We went to movies, we played games, we shared meals, and had lots and lots of laughs together.  It was SO so great, and a beautiful and tender way to bring healing to our grieving hearts and fill them with joy and laughter.  Experiencing this time with my family, and the benefits of being fully present in each moment, it makes me sad and frustrated to realize how consuming Facebook, Instagram, and sometimes even blogging, can be.  

I am a firm, and hardcore believer in finding balance in life, in knowing when to take a break, relax and just be.  But what I apparently didn't realize was, even if I was taking the time to just sit on my couch and watch a movie or something, very often I was without even thinking, pushing that darn "F" icon on my iPhone to see what the rest of the world was up to.  After taking somewhat of a break and dialing back on the frequency of my social media checking, I've discovered what a blessing it is to give it a rest.  

With that said, this is something I want to work on. 

As far as blogging goes… I fully intend on returning wholeheartedly to my little online space.  God has put blogging on my heart for a reason, and I believe there is great value in living life together with our fellow bloggers and readers, encouraging one another across the web.   But, I also want to grow in my understanding of what balance and rest and being full present looks like in my life.  If that means that I have to take a break from blogging and risk losing my readership because I haven't blogged in over a month (forgive me for doing this!), I hope that you'll bear with me and understand that I have to keep it real and first and foremost, be present in the life that exists outside of the internet.  

I am happy to have made my return, and am really looking forward to growing with you throughout this new year.  Thank you SO much for sticking with me through the ebb and flow that is my blog. 

xoxo 

|| Image above from: Printabledecor.net ||

Looking for Growth Opportunities

Image by Meghan Klein  via Instagram

One thing that I have learned about myself over the years is that I like the feeling of being in control.  I don't mean in a "I'm the boss all the time" sort of way, more in a planning way.  I'm a planner to a T.  I thrive on being organized.  I'm not obsessively organized (just check out the piles of clothes that have been on my dresser for weeks), but I love the comfort of knowing what's going on, of knowing what to expect.

I didn't realize how important feeling in control really was to me until I've been recently struggling with a bit of anxiety.  On the surface everything is going well in my life.  I have a wonderful husband, great family, I'm in a place of unemployment which I'm actually enjoying because it's given me an opportunity to pursue new things, to explore dreams I never thought I could.  I'm being intentional about choosing joy, about finding fun moments, about planning get-togethers and exciting opportunities.  And yet right in the midst of this joy- I find myself experiencing bouts of anxiety where my heart races, my chest gets tight, my breathing gets shallow, my mind goes into a downward spiral that often involves me feeling like I'm going to be sick or perhaps even die (yeah it's a little ridiculous).  A simple trip to a friend's house has got me worked up thinking "oh dear, what if I have an anxiety attack there?  What if I have to throw up?  What if I get sick and have to excuse myself to go home? What if I have to go to the bathroom and there's nowhere to go?"

I must admit it has been a really big struggle for me. Not feeling in control in these moments (and not understanding where it is coming from or why) has thrown me for a loop.  But this isn't where I want my focus to be...

This morning as I sat at my kitchen table with my potatoes, pancake, bible, and my daily devotional- I was really struck by the reading for today. [The following quotes are taken from (Jesus Calling) a daily devotional by Sarah Young.]

"Many things feel out of control." -- Yup.  Sure do.
"Your routines are not running smoothly." -- I wish they were!
"You tend to feel more secure when your life is predictable." -- Nailed it.  

But besides nailing my emotions on the head, the reading has given me an encouragement in dealing with it.

"When you are shaken out of your comfortable routines, grip My hand tightly and look for growth opportunities.  Instead of bemoaning the loss of your comfort, accept the challenge of something new."

I've basically been doing one half of that equation.  I have definitely been gripping His hand tightly because quite frankly that's all I feel I can do in those moments of panic.  I take a lot of deep breaths, self-talk, think of scripture, pray, and wait for the moment to pass.  But what I haven't been too good at is looking for growth opportunities and accepting the challenge of something new.  

It's so easy to go through life in our routines, trying to stay in our comfort zones.  But what Paul teaches us in 2 Corinthians 3:18 is that our lives are all about transformation.  2 Corinthians 3:18 says, "And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit."  Each moment, each situation, each struggle is an important part of the process of changing, of becoming more like Christ.

Dealing with this anxiety stuff, this reminder is difficult because it challenges me to consider even this as a growth opportunity.  I am so so thankful that in the moments of anxiousness I can cling to the One who protects me and know that He has overcome the world.  But now, beyond that, I need to think about how I can look at it as a growth opportunity to becoming a better version of myself, to becoming more like Christ.

The image at the top of the page is one from Meghan Klein's Instagram page.  [She was the assistant photographer at my wedding. Be sure to check out her webpage. Her work is lovely.]   With this photo she shared a quote that has been an encouragement and a challenge to me the past few weeks.  And I'd like to leave you with this:

"Enjoy the tempo of a God-breathed life by letting Him set the pace. Hold his hand in trust & the way before you will open up step by step."

Defeating Death

Today my heart is a bit heavy as I mourn alongside a couple friends whose father just passed away unexpectedly.  I have to be honest and say that it has shaken my world a little bit this past week.  Death is such a strange and heavy thing, that no matter how much trust you have in the Lord's goodness, it is still hard to understand and hard to process.

When I say that it shook my world a bit this week, what I mean is that it was a bit difficult not to internalize what was all happening.  It was too easy to become fearful, to be worried about the shortness of life, to think about the loved ones in my life and how impossible it is to even think about losing one of them.  This is a fear I have struggled with ever since I was little.  A month or so ago, I shared about my struggle to work on fear - this ongoing battle to choose joy and trust that there is a God who already won the victory against the evil one.  

Arriving at the funeral yesterday, I would not have guessed the overwhelming feeling that would be on my heart when I left the service.  Although the room was full of sadness, mourning the loss of a loved one who would no longer be with us- there was a much stronger feeling.  Amidst the sadness was a great sense of JOY!  Joy in the knowledge that God is greater than death; Joy in the knowledge that the man who will be missed from this earth is in fact in a much better place than we can ever imagine, he is with the Lord!  In times such as these, where death brings thoughts of darkness and heaviness- it is SO good to be reminded of the truth that Christ defeated death and the power of evil.  THAT was the overwhelming feeling that filled the church yesterday. 

Leaving the service I was a bit surprised that I was walking away feeling encouraged and challenged.  Encouraged that God truly shows up in heavy moments such as these, just as He promises He will.  That He really is a God of love and peace even in the most difficult times. That He is good and will protect me.  That there is no moment I will have to endure alone.  That He will provide and give me the strength to make it through even the most difficult of times.
And challenged to leave a legacy as strong as the one left by my friend's father.  

From the tributes and stories shared by family members and good friends it was evident that he was a man who truly exuded Christ and was all about loving and encouraging those around him.  He took every opportunity to share his story of how God transformed his life from one of brokenness into one of love and joy.  He was proud to introduce anyone he could to the Lord, the one who redeemed him.  He was a man who really deserves the words "well done, good and faithful servant." 

I want to leave a legacy like that- where it is more about Him and less about me.  My goal on this earth is to love and to encourage others, to share the joy that I have found in the Lord and introduce others to Him so that they too may come to know the One who defeated death.  My hope is that today you might be both encouraged and challenged.  That you would be encouraged to know that you are loved, and that there is One who will provide for you even in the worst of times.  And challenged to get to know Him, and put your trust in a God who deserves it.

 

Be in Love With Your Life

The moment that I first read this statement, I found myself in a place where I was pretty certain that I was not "in love" with my life.  A friend posted this image on her Instagram feed and I'm really glad she did because it got me thinking.  

I decided that there are two ways to attempt to make it true in your life.  You can choose to have a joyful attitude, regardless of what is happening around you- resulting in for the most part, being more in love with your life.  -and/or- You can choose to surround yourself with the things that you love, the activities, the people that truly make you happy, give you joy in life.  

The attitude change is more of a no-brainer.  It totally makes sense to just simply change perspective and decide to put more effort into enjoying each moment.  In my most recent work experience, I was very challenged to do just that.  

As I have explained in earlier posts, for the past year and a half, I have been in a land of in-between.  This place of in between led me to a position much different than my ministry assistant role at a church- I was now a sales associate at a women's clothing boutique.  My experience working at the boutique was a mixture of "I love this!  Fashion! How fun?" and "Oh my word, I'm so bored- could I possibly organize scarves for another minute?"  I tried SO hard to simply change my attitude, to be okay with where God had me for now, and enjoy as much as I could.  But day after day of trying to be positive I found myself asking the questions: Do I just need to change my attitude? Or is that not going to cut it, and it's really just an unhappy, stressful situation that I could easily cut out of my life?

But the choice of surrounding yourself with things that you love, is a bit more difficult to process.  On one hand I think it is a smart thing to do- cut out the things in your life that make you unhappy, or don't encourage you, replace with something you do love- and as a result you'll love life more.  But on the other hand, can we really live life that way?  Is it really fair or possible to just cut out the things that are uncomfortable or that are difficult?  I don't think it's very realistic in most scenarios.  But is it?  

In my situation, after much consideration and effort to change my attitude- the right choice for me was to move on from the position at the boutique.  It was such a tough decision, but I realized that the position was causing more frustration than joy most days and therefore it just wasn't worth it for me.  I understand that I won't always be in a position where I can just on a whim cut out the bad from my life to make myself more happy.  I am in a unique position where my husband supporting me financially gives me a little more freedom than the average bird.  I get that.  But what I am thankful for is, through this situation- thinking about how to be more joyful, to be more in love with my life, it really helped me gain perspective on the choice that we have to be happy.  

It is so easy to get stuck in a rut, especially when the winter blues hit, and think- ugh, I am stuck in this unhappy place and there's nothing I can do about it.  Sometimes I know that I am perfectly capable of just changing my attitude and being more joyful, but then I'm just too dang lazy to do anything about it!  So instead of being happy- I remain melancholy, lazy, with a bad attitude.  It can be so frustrating!! 

As I've thought more and more about this topic, I have decided to, challenge myself to be more in love with my life.  This post, this idea, has been brewing in my mind for the past 3 weeks and I am so thankful that it has because through it, I honestly think that I have experienced more joy.  In John 10, Jesus says, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." Notice He doesn't say, to have a mediocre life, or a life that's boring or lame- He says, "have it to the full."  We live in a world that is full of darkness and heavy things and sadness- all things that threaten to take away our joy.  But God doesn't intend for us to live a sad life!  Through Christ we are given the opportunity to live life to the full- to find Joy in Him.  

A couple in church a couple weeks ago wrote a song with the lyric that said, "Sometimes I find that gladness is a choice we make to step into the light and turn our backs on darkness once again."  What a great illustration!! I love this idea that not only does choosing gladness result in more joy, but it also means that you are turning your back on darkness.  So that is what I am challenging myself to do; to choose to be glad and turn my back on the darkness in this world.  And I challenge you to do the same!  

It all starts with a choice.  Maybe sometimes it will be truly cutting something out like my boutique position, or maybe it will only be a choice to choose to be happy.  Either way, it is so worth it.  If you made it through this lengthy post, I commend you.  And I want to encourage you to take a few moments to dwell on this idea in your life as well.  Perhaps it will be life-changing, who knows! 

xoxo

Working on Fear

Lately the world has felt a bit darker... Whether it be shootings, or loved ones being lost, people sad, and hurting- it has felt as if there is a heavy cloud that has been sweeping in over the area. It's times like this where I find it especially difficult to remain joyful. It's not that there aren't things to be happy and joyful about, because there most definitely are. But for some reason, when things like this happen, it is hard to not just stare straight at the darkness and feel its weight on our shoulders.

This is something that I have been working on since I first started feeling the heaviness of the world a couple weeks ago, and something that I know I need to continue to work on. It is so easy to, in times like these, allow ourselves to be taken over by the sadness and fear of the world. One day I was thinking about the darkness and just feeling really fearful. I started to think about how, if I wanted to (which I never would) I could seriously be afraid of EVERYTHING. In fact, the more I thought about it, it made me want to find a little hole or room where I could block everything else out! It is such a scary phenomenon, is it not? The world can be a very scary place. But this is not where I want to keep my focus. I do not want to live in fear! Fear sucks! Fear inhibits our ability to find joy, our ability to trust, to live life to the fullest as the Lord so desires for us to do. Therefore, this is an area where I need to challenge myself.

A phrase that is often on my heart when I feel afraid is "Even the darkness is not dark to you, for the night is as bright as the day!" This phrase came from an opening ceremony at a mission conference that I went to, but comes from many different places in scripture- one of them being Psalm 139:11-12. It says, "If i say, 'surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me, ' even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for the darkness is as light to you." This is the reminder that helps me to blow away the cloud of fear that tries so often to settle in over my world. Through Jesus Christ's death on the cross, and his resurrection from the dead- He defeated the devil. He took the weight of the world, the sins of all on his shoulders and died an awful death... but then he did what the devil was not expecting- he Rose again... meaning that He defeated the power of evil! As a result of Christ's sacrifice- with Him, the darkness can have no power over us.

This is a really difficult concept to grasp, especially when we see darkness around us each and every day on this earth. Unfortunately that darkness will continue, it is something that we are going to deal with for the rest of our lives. But I think the important thing is that, we need to realize that we have a part in not letting that darkness rule our lives. And one of the ways that I am going to try to keep the darkness from having power in my own life, is by working on controlling my thoughts, controlling the fears that I have.

I am going to be thinking about this a lot this year, I can feel it... but for now I am going to start with the challenge to redirect my thinking every time that I experience fear trying to creep in. For me, a way to redirect my thinking, to squash the darkness is to think of that verse "even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day." It reminds me that the Lord has defeated the darkness and with Him, His light outshines any heaviness, any pain, any fear that I may have. It's like the verse I wrote in my last post. 

 "Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me- put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you."

Directing our thoughts to those things, will wipe away fear and replace it with the peace of God. That is how I will be challenging myself this week.

Discipline to Challenge

Lately, I have been doing a lot of thinking... but not necessarily the good kind of thinking. Let me try to explain. Do you ever have chunks of time where you feel like all you are doing is worrying or having uneasy, not peaceful thoughts? I don't know about you, but I go through little spurts of this here and there. Usually I can recognize when I am feeling this way by noticing that I am especially anxious for no reason or just being really sensitive. And once I'm aware that this is how I am feeling, then I think it through, allow myself a little bit more slack and a few days later it wears off or something.

As of late, I have been struggling with this type of thinking for more than the typical few days. I have noticed myself being especially worrisome, self-conscious, sensitive, and definitely not confident. This is an uncomfortable phenomenon for me. Yes, these are things that I think everyone deals with daily. But we all have our ways of coping with them and feeling like we can conquer them, do we not? It has been starting to bother me that I feel like I am not reaching that place of peace where I feel like I have control over my thoughts. It makes me feel out of whack, like I'm somewhat of a crazy person.

Last night as I lay awake in bed, I was trying to sort through my thoughts and get to the bottom of this. And I feel there are many contributing factors that have brought me to this place of what I feel is not 'good thinking'.

1. I am not being challenged in my job. Taking a job at a boutique, I knew that it would be completely different from my past experience working as a Ministry Assistant with the college ministry. But what I didn't realize was how much it would affect me. I feel like my brain has slipped into a place of laziness because, well, what's the hardest thing I have to think about at a boutique... hmm what shirt will go with those pants? How can my boss operate that way, what is she thinking? Where should I put these scarves so they will sell faster? Yikes. Coming from a girl who loved developing a study curriculum for college students, and got really energized from writing and delivering a 25 minute message to students- feeling like I was in a place where I was constantly thinking about things that were challenging... this new place is really doing nothing for me.

2. I have not set aside time to do reflective thinking. As you can see based on the last time that I blogged, it has been quite awhile since I felt I had something to say. This is not okay for me. It really helps me to be processing out loud, via type or what-have-you. And to see that I have not done this, shows me that something is off, that I am clearly not myself or that I am disconnected for some reason. I have not given myself the chance, or Challenged myself to think deeper. To make my brain work in a different manner than what I have been doing in my 'working hours.'

3. I have not been digging deeper in my relationship with the Lord. This, above all else, is really what my 'funk' comes down to- I know that. Being in this new place in my career (can I even really call it that at this point??) I have allowed myself to become a lazy thinker. Not being challenged in my job, being pushed to challenge myself- I feel like I have become a more undisciplined person. Life is all about discipline, is it not? Disciplining ourselves to eat right, to work out, to study in school, to be kind to others, to spend time in the word. I'm digressing, but the point is... for me- I have let my disciplines fall to the wayside. I miss studying the word regularly. I miss being in a small group that challenges me, asks me hard questions. I miss reading books that push me to think outside my little box. I miss being self reflective. I miss feeling like I am making practical steps towards being transformed more into Christ's likeness. (Yes I realize God is the one who transforms us, but it takes our personal discipline too.)

What I think this all comes down to is this. I have gotten lazy. I have gotten complacent. I hate that word by the way because what good comes from complacent? I NEED to be CHALLENGED. That means first and foremost I need to really hype myself up, challenge myself to be in the word daily, to set aside time for reflective thinking, and to take a class, read a book, or do a study that is going to help me learn new things about/from the Lord. And secondly, I want to continue to ask myself- what am I doing? or- what can I be doing differently to challenge myself more? Maybe that will mean finding a new job where I am at least encouraged in my discipline of challenging myself.

I think I just figured it out. I think I finally put it to words... Discipline to Challenge. That's kind of an awkward title/phrase/whatever-you-call-it. But stay with me for a second. To challenge means "something that by its nature or character serves as a call to battle, contest, or special effort..." The part that jumps out at me is the beginning - 'something that by its nature or character serves as a call." That's what I feel like I am missing!! I am missing the SOMETHING that is serving as a call for special effort.

As a disciple of Christ, He is the something that serves as a call to battle, contest, or special effort. I have been called by Christ to be His follower, to share His love with the world- and it is by His love, it is His nature that "serves as a call", that Challenges me.

Forgive me for blabbing on and on and on. But apparently I've gotten so out of the habit of thinking in this reflective way that it took me this long to realize where I was going with this. But here it is...

1. What I have been missing as of late is the reminder that I am constantly being challenged- that I am constantly being called to put forth special effort by Him to follow Him.

2. I need to be continually finding the other somethings in life that also serve as a call for special effort, that encourage me in my endeavors of the first, most important challenge.

PHEW!  I did it!  Finally feel like I had some "good thinking!!"   

As I leave you today, I am going to continue to process this realization that I made about myself this morning. I am going to take steps towards drawing nearer to the One who ultimately challenges me, serves as my call. And I am going to work on the practical aspects of my life, that help me build up that discipline to be challenged. May it be finding a different job, getting back into a work-out schedule... whatever it is- I need to make sure that the aspects of my life all come back to the Ultimate Challenge in my life- that is to Follow Christ as He calls me.

Let me leave you with a verse that God put on my heart today.  

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.  Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me- put it into practice.  And the God of peace will be with you.  Philippians 4:8-9 (emphasis added)