Dependent on Others

This summer has been an odd one for me for two reasons:

1 – the Lord told me to use this summer to focus less on striving and more on seeking Him; to simply enjoy the life He’s given me

2 – I recognized how dependent my life is on my community

Six years ago, I changed my job title from college ministry assistant to housewife. It was a job title I was most definitely not expecting and did not feel prepared for. Staying home and supporting my husband by taking care of the laundry, dry cleaning, grocery shopping, etc wasn’t a position I saw myself holding at the young age of 25-years-old.  But with a husband who works 65+ hours on a slow week, it became clear that this was the best decision for our marriage. If I wanted to see my husband, to be available, and ready to spend time together in the later hours of the evening when he got home, not working was best way to make that happen. 

I’d be lying if I said that adjusting to this role was easy.  I often found myself getting defensive when people looked surprised that I was not working, without having kids at home.  A lot of times I still feel misunderstood.  But the more time I spend in this role, and in this non-conventional work life with my hubby, I’ve realized that the Lord carved out this place for me. 

When I was little, and people asked what I wanted to do when I grew up, my most consistent response was, “I want to help people.”  I didn’t have a particular method in mind, I just knew that I wanted to help people.  Fast forward to today, being financially supported by my sweet husband, I am given the unique opportunity to be flexible with my time; making me available to help. Right away, I loved this blessing of being unemployed.  I could run over to my sister’s classroom to help with chaotic kiddos, or have coffee with a friend struggling with the fog of depression.  But what I discovered this summer in particular, is that God didn’t just bless me with the ability to be available, He blessed me with an availability that fits perfectly with the community He has given me. 

Someone recently said to me, “I’m just realizing how many of your friends are teachers.”  I laughed, affirmed her observation and in that instant, I realized how beautifully God orchestrated my availability for my community.  Having free summers is the perfect example; it's an opportunity to connect at greater length with my friends comprised largely of teachers. (It’s no wonder summers feel a bit crazy; that’s when a lot of my people are free!)  

The reason I share this with you is, on one hand a bit selfish.  A lot of times I feel misunderstood.  I feel like people look at my freer schedule, or the fact that I’m at the lake with a few friends again, with confusion or judgment.  Perhaps it’s all in my head, but it’s hard not to feel like people look at me like a free-loader who does nothing but gallivant with friends.  But I hope that sharing a bigger picture of who I am and the position the Lord has me in, I can be more understood.  Being unemployed, I still struggle with feeling like my role is insignificant when compared to the rest of the world – so sharing this with you is a way of holding myself accountable and working to combat those lies.  At this point in my life, I am able to adjust my schedule not based on what I need, but on what my community (my husband, my friends, my family) needs. Living this way, is a huge blessing, and an incredible opportunity that I want to take really seriously. God has me in this place for a reason, and I am determined to own that. 

The second reason I share this is to encourage you that if you are struggling with feeling insignificant or simply being content with where the Lord has you, you are not alone.  Take a minute today, do some self-reflecting and ask the Lord to show you a glimpse of why He has you where you are.  Wherever you are, know that you are good, you are worthy, and you are incredibly significant. 

Talking the walk

If you know my story at all, you’ll know that I often call college my “dark years.” The short version is that during that time period I tried to live a double life – satisfying my worldly desires to be a party girl, while still pouring into my relationship with Jesus. Unfortunately, during those years a little more effort was put into the party mode. I did some things that I’m not proud of, and most of them have to do with words that I used.

I can be one sassy girl. Pretty sure that’s what got me in trouble with my parents from time to time; I wasn’t a rebel, but I could pour on attitude like it was my job. Add that together with alcohol and a drunk frat boy that is ruffling my feathers and you get a mean, confrontational Mindy. One such episode, built on an already growing distaste for one another, resulted in many choice words flung back and forth at each other, and then… I got up right in his face, and I slapped him. Instantly, even amidst the anger I felt towards this dude, I knew I went too far. And then he said these words, “And you call yourself a Christian?” Talk about a buzz kill. I was speechless. I had no more mean words, no more sassiness to throw his way because he was right.

Walking away with rocks in my gut, I began to process the challenge the Lord had given to me through this frat boy. Here I was, calling myself a Christian, leading my campus ministry and then in the same heartbeat I was all full of cuss words and slapping people upside the face. About a week later, I knew I had to reach out to this guy. Scraping up all the courage I could find, I got his number and made one of the most humbling phone calls and told him, he was right. I apologized and admitted that I had been such a bad representation of the Lord that I believe in.  And I thanked him for calling me out on it.

The reason I thought of this shining moment was, in my bible study this week we were challenged to think about this question – look at your life and your ministry involvement. Do “the words being said and the deeds being done” point to the presence and influence of God’s kingdom?

It’s like the message we’ve all probably heard at some point, “If you’re going to talk the talk, then you better walk the walk.” But what actually got me thinking was re-phrasing it like this - are we talking the walk?  Are the words that come out of our mouths evidence that we love Jesus? Is it clear that we spent time reading the Bible today?  Or does the attitude we used with our loved ones and the gossip that shot out of our mouths with our girls over vino make us want to puke?

I will never forget that moment when the frat boy's challenging words made me realize there was no evidence in my talk that I was walking with Jesus. I am so thankful that this guy had the balls to say to me what I really needed to hear. And I'm thankful that many years later, the Lord has redeemed our crazy relationship and I can actually call him a friend.

As followers of Christ, we are called to live lives worthy of our calling - we are called to be physical representations of Jesus in everything we do and in everything we say.  Let's be real, that is hard.  But, we don't have to do it alone, praise God.  He created us to need each other, and He calls us to be active participants in supporting each other and speaking the truth in love as we do our best to represent Him.

So, if you hear me being a turd, call me out on it (lovingly please!). And if you want me to, I’ll do the same for you. Let's work together and be evidence of Jesus in our walk and our talk.

xo

soaking up May

I'm currently snuggled under the covers fighting the urge to let my head hit the pillow as my kitty is curled up by my feet and rain drops coat the window.  There's nothing quite like crawling into a cozy bed when the weather is gloomy and a chill is in the air.  The weather in May is always a guessing game in Wisconsin.  There have been years where it snows, and others where Memorial Day is a full day of sunshine and boating on the lake.  Today I am not complaining about the weather taking a bit of a dip into the 40's, because May has been off to a great start.  This past weekend was absoutely beautiful!  It was amazing to pull out shorts and a tank top and feel the warmth of the sun on my skin in my own front yard.  Of course we had to take full advantage and spend most of the weekend outside, grilling and soaking up every bit of warmth possible.

Much like I tried to do this weekend, I've decided that my goal for May is to soak it up.  I feel like every time I write, I battle the desire to say, "man, time flies!" because seriously... it does.  When it gets closer to the summer months I feel like time starts to go even faster, as weekends rapidly fill up with weddings, trips to the cabin, and all sorts of get-togethers as everyone is finally coming out of their houses from the winter hibernation.  Thinking ahead through this month, and even into June I started to feel anxiety bubble up in my gut as I thought about how quickly the summer is going to fill up and race by.  As quick as the anxiety rose up, I squashed it.  I stopped myself from letting those thoughts run any further and decided that the best thing I can do to slow time down, is to savor each moment.  I want to take full advantage of the days that the Lord has blessed me with and be intentional about taking moments where instead of getting lost in the chaos, I take a look around me and praise God for what He's provided.

With this goal in mind- I thought I'd share a few ways that I plan on embracing this goal to soak it up.

1 – Don’t play the comparison game.

I keep catching myself looking at my lawn and lack of landscaping and feeling like the loser on the block. Since this is not my area of expertise, reshaping and improving the curb appeal of our yard has been so slow in coming. It is really hard not to look down the block and feel envy for how beautiful others' yards are. I need to work on lowering my comparison and upping my praise for what I’ve been given- and knowing that these things take time!

2 – Take time to just be.

Especially if an upcoming week is jam-packed, I need to create space to just sit out on the porch and enjoy a cup of coffee (or champagne) and praise God for the breath in my lungs.

3 – Exercise my “No”.

It’s so easy to fill up every spare minute in the day, the week, or the month. I need to remind myself it’s okay to say "No" every once in awhile and take time for myself and for my husband.

4 – Get outside.

A little sun on the skin, does SO much good for my soul. I need to remember this when the laundry is calling and the stress is piling. Taking a few minutes to head outside, take a breather, and thank God for the sun might be just what I need to manage my time and get what I need to done (or learn what can be put aside for later).

5 – Celebrate.

The Lord doesn’t want us to just float through life, He wants us to be full of joy and embrace what He has given us.  So, I want to be intentional about celebrating those moments.  My big 29 is coming up in a few days, Mother’s day is just around the corner, and before we know it Memorial day will be upon us. Each of these create great opportunities to exercise my celebration muscles this month.  I am praying that each is full of joy and laughter!!!

I know that these goals are a bit more abstract, but I am hoping that I can make tangible, practical steps in making each of these happen.  Who knows, maybe I'll start this afternoon by taking time to just be- following Finn's example, and taking a little cat nap.  

Praying that you, too, can look at this month with joy in your heart and intentionality to soak up every minute.  

xo

back to my roots

The other night, I was in search of an old blog post that I'd written and ended up spending a good chunk of time reading through my blog archive.  Looking at all my old posts, I realized that for some reason as time has gone on, I've started writing less?  It didn't make much sense to me at first because as I think about the growth of my online space, my passion for it has only gotten bigger.  After some thought, I figured out that for who knows what reason, something shifted and deciding what to write about became a bigger deal.  I'd hem and haw over different ideas, rule them out, and consider it a writer's block.  I started to get so picky that by the time I sat down to write something, I'd used up all the time I had to write by brainstorming and changing my mind.

It's like when I decide I want to paint my nails.  I'll pull out a few colors that look fun and try to narrow down my choices.  I'll land on a color and then think, oh wait, I have such and such event later this week that might require me to pink instead of lavender.  Hmm is that one too much of a fall color?  Should I put sparkles on all of my fingers or just my ring-finger for a party nail?  And then all of a sudden it's 10:30 at night, I have to get ready for bed which means I can't paint my nails because how can you wash your face with wet nails?  I mean, man, the struggle is real.

I think that's what has happened with my writing.  I became too concerned about choosing a good topic and writing something that has significance, that I didn't end up writing anything at all.  I had somehow started to put too much pressure on myself to make sure I was writing something that people would resonate with, instead of simply writing what the Lord was laying on my heart that day.  As much as I don't want to admit it, I found myself motivated or discouraged about a certain post based on how many views it received.

But here's the thing.  I didn't start this blog to get viewers, I didn't make the shift to be a writer's blog because people told me that's what they thought would be good.  I did this simply because I wanted to use the gifts the Lord has given me and make His name known.  Unfortunately I got distracted from that truth and as a result my writing lost it's freedom.  I got too caught up in what message I thought should be conveyed, when really He is the only one who gives my writing significance.  I believe that life is all about Him, that we are here to glorify Him and make his name known, and I want this little space to be a reflection of that.

And here's the last piece (and quite an important one) of what I think was different.  Going through the posts from one of the years where I wrote a bit more, I realized just how many came as an outpouring of my time reading the Bible.... Now that is humbling and convicting and motivating all at the same time.  If I want to write His words, I need to be in His word.

So that's it.  That's what I need to do.  Get back into His word daily, remind myself why I write, stop overthinking what I'm going to write about and just sit myself down in front of my computer, and write my little heart out.

I'm so glad that I came to this realization.  I can already feel the fun and freedom in writing returning.  Woohoo!  Thank you Lord :)

xo

-- image by Marissa Maharaj --

You'll just know

The other night, my husband Chris and I were talking about the beginning of our relationship; well, the beginning of our second time dating... that's another story.  We were reminiscing about aspects of our journey and I suddenly felt stuck as I couldn't seem to find the memory of how or when I knew that I was going to marry him!   I was trying to recollect if it was an instant "I just knew" sort of situation, and I could not remember for the life of me.

Having dated him for two years, breaking up for a year because I felt the Lord leading me to focus only on Him, to then only a year later still feeling my heart tugging towards Chris, I remember that the decision whether to simply start dating him or not was a hard enough decision on its own!  I knew that I did not want to start dating him again unless we had the intentions of our relationship leading to marriage, so I really sought the Lord and asked wise women in my life for wisdom on how to proceed.   All too often it seemed like the cliché statement of "you'll just know" would come up.  Even typing those words makes me want to roll my eyes as I remember the frustration I would feel when people would tell me that.  I still get annoyed with that statement because it's not just used in reference to knowing whether you want to marry someone, it's pretty universal.

Being a person who often struggles with big decisions, that phrase is still a big part of my life.  And I kind of hate it.  It always makes me feel so frustrated because it seems like a cop out.  When I am asking for help in making a decision, I don't want someone to tell me that I will at some point know, I want them to tell me right then what I should do- I want them to make the decision for me- to play God in a sense and tell me what is the best thing for me.  I mean really, how nice would it be if God would every once in awhile just write us a little email or shoot us a text and say, "just do this."  Unfortunately that's not how it works.  It pains me, it frustrates me- and yet time and time again you'll just know proves to be true.  God has shown me over and over again that as much as we'd like Him to speak in loud claps of thunder, lightning strikes or to pick up the phone and make the call, it really doesn't look like that.  I very much believe that He could do that if He wanted to, but I think that more often than not, hearing Him speak truth into our lives, and giving us direction is much more of a gentle nudging or a feeling in my gut sort of thing.  Or, if we're going to go ahead and use the annoying phrase a you'll just know sort of thing.

For the past couple weeks I have been struggling with a big life decision in deciding whether or not to take a job that my sweet, sweet dad was offering me.  As you know, my struggles with whether or not being a housewife right now is enough are very real... so the prospect of the Lord leading me to a new career was very interesting and perplexing.  For weeks and weeks I felt like I was getting nowhere in the decision process.  I started to feel heavier and heavier as the weight of indecision seemed to cloud my mind and steal my joy.  I really felt like I was never going to make the decision.  I didn't feel swayed one way or another and saw no hope of being able to find the piece I needed to tip the scale one way or another.  And then God spoke.

Right in the middle of a phone call with my dad and his business partner, as they were clarifying the role for me, in one single instant, I knew.  I had been praying and praying for something exactly like this, that the Lord would make it so clear - and through my dad's business partner's words, that's exactly what He did.  I was so shocked that my decision could seem so obvious, that in that moment I almost couldn't believe it.  It was as if the blinders had been removed and I could see oh so clearly that taking the job wasn't the direction in which He was leading me.  It's in moments like this where I am reminded of how awesome God is, and how strongly I can rely on His promise to guide me.  I don't need a handwritten letter or a firework in the sky, I just need to trust that in His perfect timing and in His perfect way, He will lead me- and I will just know.

Coming back to where this post began... after a few gruesome moments of not being able to recollect how I knew I wanted to marry Chris, he reminded me that it was very much like the scenario I just described.  After praying and praying, and seeking the Lord's guidance and wisdom for my relationship with Chris, He laid it on my heart and I just knew.  Sitting on a porch swing of my good friend's house, I can now clearly remember admitting to myself (and to my small group ladies) for the first time, that I knew, like a weight in my gut and peace in my soul, that I wanted to marry this man.

I am SO thankful that we have a God who communicates with us.  He doesn't just ask us to follow Him and then leave us to find the breadcrumbs; He grabs our hand asks us to dance and whether audibly or silently with a light pressure on our hand or back, He leads us to take the next step.

If you're stuck in a place of indecision where you are wholeheartedly seeking your next step, my prayer is that you might be encouraged.  If your mind is clouded and you feel a sense of analysis paralysis (story of my life), don't give up.  Keep seeking Him, keep praying, and trust that you'll just know because He will  guide you.

--- image by Marissa Maharaj ---

28 and counting...

27 was quite the year...

• We bought a house!!! 
• We found fleas at our final closing and lived with my sister for a couple weeks.
• My grandpa blessed me with a DSLR for my 27th birthday.
• I took a photography class.
• The Lord blessed us with the honor of ushering my sweet grandpa into heaven- and we have been missing him every day.  
• We celebrated 30 years for my sister!
• I went to the Influence Conference; a conference all about making my online life mean something and making much of Christ.  It was a huge blessing where the Lord spoke to my heart, I found encouragement as a writer, and got connected with so many amazing ladies.  
• I finally shared my heart behind lovemin and gave my blog a home at loveminblog.com
• We went to Puerto Rico with our good friends Julie and Shaun.
• Finn, our sweet kitty, joined the family!  

These are just a few of the memorable moments that took place during my 27th year.  Learning how to navigate a season of grief, adjusting to a new home and a role as housewife, fun times with friends, lots of laughter with family, feeling content mixed with desires to know more, to be more, and holding dear to the loved ones the Lord has blessed me with, are just a few of the other highs and lows that make this year it's own.  

I have SO much to be thankful for.  God is sooo good, and I am incredibly blessed by the way that He continually extends me grace and loves me even when I don't deserve it.  As I think about turning 28, and preparing for another year in my life, Proverbs 16:9 comes to mind.  It says, "In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps."  My prayer is that this verse would be echoed in the way that I navigate my life this next year- that He would lead me in the way I should go, and that each step would glorify Him.  

Cheers to 28!  Can't wait to see what this next year holds. 

a 27 year old housewife

As I sit here sipping my coffee, and looking around my now "spic and span" home (seriously, I'm pretty proud of this level of clean- excuse me for tooting my own horn) I am so thankful for a break from the cleaning craze.  I worked my tail off the past few days, trying to get the home ready for a little get-together at my house earlier this week and prepare for in-laws coming in May.  So being able to take a little rest today and look around me and be content with how the house looks, is just so nice.  

Being newer homeowners with several projects in swing, I didn't realize how long it can really take to clean up the mess and chaos and get the house in order.  It seems like all I've been doing the past couple weeks is cleaning and organizing.  And cleaning more.  And organizing.  And re-cleaning.  And organizing.  After my grandma passed away, my grandpa developed a strong respect for housewives and was often heard saying, "Once I finally get all the housework done for the day, the day is over and it's time for bed!" If only he were around, I'd love to call him up and say, "Gramps, You were right!" 

I must admit though, that the amount of housework involved and an increased respect for housewives, doesn't even touch the tip of the iceberg of all the thoughts that have been swirling around in my head about being a 27 year old housewife.  I touched on this subject very briefly in my April goals post, as I shared that sometimes I feel like a misfit in this world because I don't have a "real" job.  And honestly, it's a subject that's been on my mind for quite awhile now.  Being in this place, I think I feel like a misfit partly because it seems like I'm the only 27 year old housewife without children (thank you Linda for encouraging me I'm not alone), but mostly because I feel highly misunderstood. With a capital M.  

Had you asked me 3 years ago if this was my plan, I would have laughed in your face.  I worked with a college ministry and pictured myself in that type of role until death do us part.  But now, here I am, and I'm learning how to embrace and be content with where the Lord has me... and yet, I have a horrible time because so often I am faced with questions like "so... what do you do all day?  Don't you get bored?" accompanied by a "hmm.." or the occasional "that must be nice."  Hearing all those questions is really starting to make my blood boil.  Not because they are insincere or something but because along with the question comes this cynicism/judgement that what I am doing doesn't compare to the norm.  

It's hard to write this post without getting a little fired up.  I know that not all people who ask me about what I'm doing are judging me.  And I also understand that a lot of it is probably just my own insecurity and lack of confidence in where I am at right now, because it isn't where I expected to be...  

So, here's where I'd like to go from here.  To tell you that being a housewife does not mean that I can be found sitting on my couch in my robe from sun up to sun down watching movies, painting my nails, watching TV, and taking naps.  And no, I don't get bored because I'm not just sitting here waiting for the day to pass by.  Sure, there are slower days here and there but for the most part, I am just as busy as you are in your job; it just looks different.  Instead of clocking in at an office or establishment, I am volunteering in a classroom twice a week, I'm dropping off and picking up my husband's dry cleaning, I'm grocery shopping, I'm heading to the gym, I'm cleaning and organizing our new home, I'm working on my writing, I'm doing projects here and there for my dad's work, and I'm looking forward to leading a bible study this summer.  I assure you, I am not just sitting around all the time.  

Saying all that, sounding a bit defensive (forgive me) I guess all that I am hoping for is to be more understood, and to be respected and encouraged for where I'm at.  I am learning to be at peace with this, (I think sharing these thoughts with you plays a big role) and to embrace this time as the blessing that it really is.  [A huge shout out to my husband for supporting me.]  I know that I won't be here forever, and I look forward to wherever the Lord is calling me next.  But for now, I'm learning to be content and confident that my role as a 27 year old housewife is just as valuable as being in any other place.  

Romans 8:28 that says, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."  This time in my life has a purpose in God's plan for me, and I am bound and determined to soak it up for all that it's worth.  

The heart behind lovemin

When I started this blog 2 years ago, (wow can’t believe it’s been so long!!) I wasn’t too concerned about a name.  Not knowing much about blogging, what I wanted the space to be, and figuring that me, myself, and I would be the only ones reading it… I decided to name it exactly what it was, “New to me.”   I knew that was pretty boring, and since I was a French minor and well, everything sounds better in French (right?) I called my space Nouvelle a Moi. Plain and simple.  And then there was my description…

“In some ways I compare my new stage in life to arriving on Pandora in the movie Avatar (I’m not as dorky as this makes me sound, I swear). It is a beautiful place, full of beautiful amazing things- and yet there are aspects of it that are frightening, and almost everything about it is new. This blog is a way to help me figure out what this new place looks like- I have no idea what to expect, but plan to enjoy as much as I can.”

Go ahead and giggle at me. Reading that, I’m laughing right along with you. As you might be able to tell, I had a slight obsession with Avatar. Seriously, I loved that movie. And for whatever reason, apparently I felt really connected with it at the time, hah.

Besides giving myself a little laugh, looking back shows me how far my space has come, and how much I have grown since it’s beginning. Realizing that my blog was much more than just a random outlet - I decided it was time for a new name. I wanted it to be more than just what I was feeling at that time in life (Avatar, hello) and instead, be more of an extension of who I am. I wanted it to be true to me, who I want to be, and what I hope my blog will be.

Looking for a name that did a good job of that, one that I wanted to be near and dear to my heart, took F.O.R.E.V.E.R. I’m terrible at naming things and wanted it to be just right. So, after much thought and many random ideas, lovemin found its way into my heart.

I shared the unveiling with you back when I first named the space, but now that I’ve officially switched over with a new logo and made www.loveminblog.com my home- it feels like time to share the heart behind the name.

Here’s what lovemin is to me: 

• a play on the idea of "love, Mindy"
  All my blog posts are written from my heart, with love. I want people to feel loved when they stop by my page
• a play on my nickname of Min
  my name is Mindy, but those close to me often refer to me as Min… meaning I'll get personal and be real with you on my blog.  
• a play on sounding out the name as "love ‘em in" – as in, ‘love them in’ to the Kingdom.

This last one is the one that sold me on the name, because it gets to the real heart of the reason that I write. Let me explain. I believe that God loves us so much that He sent his Son, Jesus Christ to die on the cross and save us from sin through His resurrection. And I believe that we have a loving God who He wants us to be a part of sharing His story and proclaiming His love with the world so that one day everyone might come to know Him. That’s a huge part of my heart, and ultimately the reason that I write- that’s the reason I live the way I do- And that’s my goal, to love others into His kingdom.

That is why lovemin is so near and dear to my heart; it is a reminder that just as my life is not all about me, I don’t want this space to be either. It’s about loving others in to His Kingdom. Having that name smack dab at the top of my blog, in my url, on my business cards and what-have-you, is a good reminder of all that I want this space to be- and of the creator who shows me His love each and every day, even when I don’t deserve it.

Sharing the heart behind lovemin , I hope that you have a greater understanding of who I am, and what you’re going to get when you visit this space. It is most definitely not going to be perfect, or clean-cut, or all about butterflies and roses, because life is messy and it is hard. But what you will find is this- words from a girl who writes from her heart, who will get personal and be real with you, and who wants you to leave knowing that you’re loved.

xoxo

"I want to write a book when I grow up."

Just like every little girl, (yup, that's me- on the left, with my lovely sister) I used to dream about what I wanted to be "when I grew up."  At one point, all I could dream about was being a waitress or a cashier.  Many hours were spent in the basement at my childhood home, where my sister and I took turns being the customer while the other spotlighted the much coveted role as waitress, grocery store cashier, or even as Dairy Queen employee.  Since then, these dreams have faded into the background- just a fun memory gone by.  I never became a waitress.  I never worked at Dairy Queen.  I did work at a Christian bookstore for 3 years where I got to enjoy the pleasure of ringing people up on the cash register.  So I guess you can check cashier off my list. woohoo!  But there are a few dreams that I remember stating often when asked, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" that still ring true as ever- that I'm still pursuing as I work towards this whole growing up thing.

One of those dreams was, I always wanted to be a writer.  In fact I used to imagine myself working for a Christian magazine, writing articles, doing interviews, and maybe even one day being the editor.  That and, I always told myself I would write a book someday.  [I guess in some ways you can check that off the list- my Christmas present one year was one of those awesome projects where you got to be author and illustrator, and at the end you sent it in and received a hard-cover copy of your very own book!  This was pretty darn cool, I must admit.]  As I went through high school and the beginning of college, my passion for writing continued.  I loved writing papers, took a few journalism classes and wrote for the Ripon College newspaper, called College Days.  (Check em out -here, here, and here.  They're kind-of entertaining, hah.)  But somewhere after Sophomore year, I veered away from this passion and pursued a major in Religion and a minor in French.  Super random combo right?  Although I don't regret that choice of focus at all, (it led me to my beloved job working with the college ministry at Elmbrook Church) it has been since getting married and joining the blogging world that this passion for writing has been re-ignited.

The long and short of it is- I've realized that I'm not quite ready to let go of my childhood dream.  Wanting to be a writer is still very present in my heart.

In fact, I'm excited to share that I've actually made a step in continuing and pursuing my passion for writing.  Yesterday, I made my debut as a contributor for a website called Circle of Friends that serves to reach and encourage women in their walk with the Lord.  Through this website, many different authors write devotionals or blog posts, sharing what God's doing in their lives and encouraging the many women who frequent the page.  I am so excited to have been given an opportunity to be one of these contributing authors and share my heart by writing a blog post twice a month.  [Here's my first post .  Tag along on this new adventure, if you'd like!]  I'm glad to be a part of this mission, and look forward to what God has in store.

So I guess you can consider that 'Step 1' in pursuing one of my dreams.  I have no idea if I'll ever reach the point of getting a book published, but I have every intent of continuing to dream and moving forward with hope.

Is there a dream that is heavy on your heart?  Maybe you, too, should consider going for it!  Even though we may be somewhat "grown up", no one said we had to stop dreaming.

xoxo

In Love with Life: Birthday Blessings

Here I am, two days later, and I am still a little overwhelmed by how blessed and truly celebrated I felt on my birthday.  As I shared in a post about a huge birthday balloon for my sister, birthdays have always been kind-of a big thing in our family.  We try to make them special for each person and make sure they know how much we love them and how special they are to us.  It's actually quite awesome and I'm so blessed to have grown up this way.  Someone recently commented on how birthdays after you turn 21 just don't have a lot to them- how turning the big 27 is really just me reaching my late twenties.  I shrugged, and somewhat agreed, I guess.  But now that my 27th birthday has come and gone, I can honestly say that it is up there on the "most special birthday" list.

Waking up in the morning I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes just enough to give my husband a kiss and receive a few cheerful "happy birthdays" before he went out the door.  Shortly thereafter, I was forced to jump out of bed as the doorbell rang and a beautiful bouquet of flowers arrived from my sweet man.  Taking my flowers into the kitchen I was greeted by a funny card with a love-filled message on the back.  Not even an hour into my day and I was already feeling the love.  I quickly hopped in the shower, threw on a sundress (thank you God for giving me a sunny day) and went out the door to my next birthday event.  Sitting out on the patio, soaking up the much-missed sunshine, (even to the extent of a little sunburn, oops) my super-cute friend, Tara, treated me to mimosas, a yummy breakfast, and a morning birthday sundae at the tasty Cafe Hollander.

Full, on my just-eaten breakfast, I wasn't so sure how I was going to digest quickly enough to make room for the lunch I was supposed to have with my mom in the next 40 minutes.  I went home to sit for a bit, only to find a little package waiting at my door. Another one of my friends, Alexa, had driven 45 minutes to drop a little something off for me!  At this point, I was thinking that this day couldn't get any better.  And then the doorbell rang...

I was expecting to see my cute little mother's face when I opened the door, but was quite surprised to be greeted with a Minnie Mouse balloon that was almost my size!  With a big smile on my face and a little chuckle I opened the door to see my mom AND MY SISTER hiding around the corner.  The caps are most definitely important here, because my sister is a teacher and it is not often that she is able to take time off work.  In fact, she gets 1 personal day for the whole year.  My amazing sister took half of that 1 day, to spend with and celebrate me.  Oof- I cannot even explain how overwhelmed and how special I felt from this enormous gesture along-with the special coordination my mom pulled off to make it happen.  And that wasn't it; the day continued to get better and better as they surprised me with a birthday lunch followed by pedicures!!  We wrapped up the day by heading to my parents house where my sweet pops grilled up some shiskabobs.  We ate together, shared a lot of laughter, some birthday cake and they continued to spoil me with some gifties.  On our way home, I couldn't help but get a little teary in the car as I thought about how truly amazing my birthday had been.  I was so overwhelmed and overjoyed by how much love I had experienced.

The reason I am sharing this is not to rub it in your face or stick my nose up in the air and say "look at what I did, aren't I special?"  I wanted to share this with you because it made me realize the impact that really being shown love in a tangible, physical presence sort of way, makes on our lives.  I don't know about you, but I want to experience love like this everyday!  What's crazy is, that's how God loves us- in a way that is overwhelming, that is all about blessings and encouragement and support amidst whatever trials we are facing in this world.  He created us to desire, receive, and be givers of this crazy love.

One of my dear friends called me a "specializer" yesterday.  She said that I am really good at making people feel special and celebrated, and that she was so excited to hear that I experienced being "specialized" on my birthday.  I was really honored and humbled that she labeled me in that way.  Thinking more about it, I think we are all created to be "specializers"- to make others feel loved and celebrated, and not just on our birthdays.

I am so thankful for everyone who made an impact on my day (and my life) by showing me crazy love.  I hope that I can continue to grow in my role as a "specializer" and make more and more people's days by showing them overwhelming love.

xo

P.S. Thanks to everyone else who sent me love on my special day too!  And a shout out to my Iron Man 3 watching, tattoo-bearing friends. :)

Worth Celebrating

Today my surroundings aren't quite the usual living room atmosphere or the hustle and bustle of the neighborhood coffee shop that so often sets the tone as I post.  I decided to switch things up a bit today.

I'm currently cozied up in the corner of a window seat in the swanky, 3rd floor secret sweet spot that I love to frequent, otherwise known as Cuvee, a lovely champagne bar.  Blame it on the artsy culture of the Third Ward, or my view of colorful buildings and the lot across the street where we took some of our wedding photos... or perhaps it's the fact that I'm sipping on a champagne cocktail called Tickle Pink, but I am finding myself in a particularly good mood.

Soaking up this moment and allowing myself to get lost in the delightfully pink bubbles as they float to the top of my flute that is so delicately rimmed with pink sugar, I feel like it's a moment worthy of celebration. Finding myself in this joyful mood, I'd like to share something with you that has caused me to celebrate in the past week.

Ever since I can remember, I have had a hard time titling things.  Be it a paper in high school, an article for the Ripon College Days (the Ripon newspaper), or my final project for my senior seminar, coming up with a title that was both catchy and fitting was always like pulling teeth for me.  When I first started this adventure, and found myself trying to name my blog, I wasn't sure what to call it.  Let's be honest, I wasn't really sure what blogging was all about or what I wanted it to be.  So instead of putting a lot of thought into it and coming up with something super creative, I named the blog exactly what it was- New to Me.  [Of course I tried to make it a little fancier and wrote it in French; I was a French minor after all ;).]

But now I find myself in a different place.  Things aren't quite so new.  I've gotten acclimated both in my marriage and in this crazy place we refer to as the blog world.  So for the past couple of months I've been feeling like it's time for a change- for a growing up of sorts.  This blog has changed from being just a fun outlet to meaning a lot more to me.  I am still figuring out what exactly that means, but what I do know is that I want this space to be true to me.  I want it to portray who I am, who I want to be, and what I hope for my blog to become someday.

Putting a lot of time, thought, bouncing ideas off sweet friends, and a few nights where I lay awake brainstorming and vetoing most of the crazy ideas that flowed through my mind- I am so excited to tell you that I finally landed on a name!!

Welcome to the unveiling of "loveMin"- a blog about the journey to develop a lifestyle that exudes love, joy, inspiration, and Jesus.  

There are a lot of details I have yet to work out.  I don't know how I want my new name to look, how I want the design to change or any of that. What I do know is that I have a lot of ideas, goals and hopes for my new space.  There's a lot behind why I chose this name and what it really means to me, and how I want it to affect my page from here on out- I plan to share this with you, but I'd like to save it for another day.  I know this is just the beginning- but I can't wait to keep moving forward.  For now, I am so excited to share this "news" with you.

I'm super excited about this, and hope that it can be a new name, a new space that both you and I come to love.

Thanks so much for joining me on this journey- I can't wait to see what's to come.

xoxo

In Love with Life: Dance lessons Pt. 1

For as long as I can remember I have been a dance-aholic.  From sock hops in middle school, to homecomings, formals in college, to wedding dances, or an occasional club visit, you can pretty much guarantee that you will find me on the dance floor.  It is just one of those activities that brings joy almost instantaneously.  I understand that this isn't the case for everybody.  Some people need a little liquid courage, or just would really rather sit on the sidelines, but not me.

Thankfully, my husband, too, is quite the dancing man.  If we're at a wedding and the dance floor is struggling for people to start off the night, you can count on us to be the first ones on the floor.  We are most certainly not pro-dancers, but we just love to dance!  And no, I don't mean the bump and grind, gross kind of dancing.  I mean the jumping around to the music, shaking your stuff, a little cupid shuffle here and there- the FUN kind!! I'm not even sure where the thrill of it comes from, but I don't really care- it's great!!

I know I haven't always been as confident in the fun of dancing.. I remember in high school I was always nervous about it.  I wanted to feel free and not worry about what others thought of me, but well, it was high school so that was a bit hard.  But something changed in my college years- maybe it was the cocktail I had before we would attend a "lounge party" (as the dance parties were called in my day), but honestly I don't think that was it.  I think it all comes down to being confident in yourself, okay with looking a little funny, and just really allowing yourself to have a blast with it!

Besides the typical wedding dance fun, I have a bit of a fondness for salsa dancing.  Last year, I even went to a salsa lesson with a girlfriend of mine, you can check out more about that here.  But the thing was, I didn't necessarily want to learn salsa on my own.  Going to a club with just your girlfriends can be great, but it becomes a bit tricky when you're married.  I don't want to get hit on anymore.  I don't want to have to worry about whether or not the guy I am dancing with gets that I am simply dancing with him and there will be no advancing beyond that.  This setting can still be fun, if with you're with the right crowd- but it's still a bit tricky.  So in order to avoid this, there is a perfect solution... my husband too, must learn to dance.

Thankfully, since my husband (who I'm pretty sure may have danced MORE than I did at our wedding!!) likes to dance, it wasn't too hard to approach the topic of dance class.  And at the silent auction for the Oscar Gala, my dreams became a reality!  We bid on and won a package with Fred Astaire Dance Studios for 2 dance classes and 1 practice party.  I was stoked!! Since I have been on a mission to be more in love with life, to intentionally seek out joy, the idea to take a dance class fit right in.

Wednesday night we began the adventure.  Before our lesson, we were encouraged to dress as if we were going out on a date night.  So Chris wore nice dress pants and a collared shirt - and I followed suit wearing a purple, fun-to-spin-in, skirt with a black top.  Arriving at the dance studio, we put on our dance shoes and were ready to jump right in.  We met our instructor JR who took us into the ballroom right away.  The next 40 minutes flew by as we learned basic steps of the Rhumba, Foxtrot, Waltz, and the push-pull.  We learned how to have proper frame for each of these dances, and spent a brief amount of time on each dance, moving about throughout the studio.  Accomplishing each of these basic steps and receiving positive feedback from our instructor, he even allowed us to learn the basic step of the salsa (which is not usually part of the intro class).  Which of course brought me great joy, because that's really the dance that I have the most fun with.  As our time in the class came to a close, my husband escorted me off the dance floor with a smile on his face.  We both had a blast, and are definitely looking forward to our next lesson at the studio.

Needless to say, I am pretty excited about this new adventure, about this new way of working towards being in love with life.  I am so thankful for a husband who supports my crazy ideas and does it with a joyful heart!  [He even suggested we consider signing up for the beginner's dance program - 5 lessons, 2 practice parties, and a ballroom cd!!]  I am a lucky lucky girl.

But besides learning a few basic dance steps, I have walked away from this experience realizing how easy it is to make fun happen.  Sure, in most cases, it costs a little money... but isn't it worth it?  I'm so glad that instead of just talking about taking a dance class, we actually did it- we made it happen.  Is there something that you have been dying to try, or that you have on your bucket list?  I encourage you to take the next step to find out more, and MAKE IT HAPPEN!

I can't wait to share more with you about this dance class and the joy that I'm certain it will bring. Until then, be intentional, go out and do something fun!! You won't regret it.

xo

The image above is from a friend's wedding reception, captured by Lindsey Stayton Photography

Fulfilling Purpose

This is a question I have been asking myself a lot lately.  I think it's a totally natural question to ask when like me, you find yourself in a place of transition, of being "in-between things" as I always answer these days when people ask me, "So what do you do?"

I have somewhat of a love/hate relationship with the question 'what is my purpose'.  It's a great one, because it keeps me looking forward; it helps me to dig deep and think about in the long run, what do I want to do with my life and why.  But then on the other hand it sometimes feels like a weight on my shoulders.  On days when I feel less optimistic about finding my calling, thinking about it sends my mind into a spin.   It's the double-edged sword of: This world is full of opportunities- there are many ways that I could find purpose and make a difference VS. this world is FULL of opportunities, how can I possibly determine where my next step should be?

In my mission to be in love with my life I have thought a lot about what inspires me, what gets me motivated.  And I have allowed those to be the things that determine my next steps in the past couple weeks.  That's what is leading me towards putting more effort into this journey with my blog .  But, even amidst choosing joy, there is always the dark voice in the back of my mind that tries to creep in, asking- "well what are you doing this for?  What's the point?  You don't even have a purpose.  Who really even cares, just give up!" When I have moments like this, it is hard not to get discouraged.  To get caught up in the self-destructing mind spin of thinking maybe that little voice is right, maybe I have no purpose, maybe I'm not doing anything that is positively affecting this world, maybe I'm not going to find my purpose.

Struggling with this dark voice lately, I was glad when I stumbled across an encouraging word in my Bible reading.  Psalm 138:8 spoke directly to my fears and questions of purpose.  It says,

"The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O Lord, endures forever-- do not abandon the works of your hands." 

This verse jumped off the pages and really spoke to my heart.  The first encouragement that spoke to me is this, "The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me."  It doesn't say, might fulfill, it says WILL fulfill.  It's not a question, not a doubt; it's a promise.  And the second is this.  "The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me."   This is a part that is so near and dear to my heart.

About four years ago, I had a big perspective change in my life.  It's a big piece of my life story, one of the parts of my testimony that I get really excited about.  Here's what I discovered...

My life is not about me.  It's not about my desires to be good, loving, caring, and Christ-like.  Instead, it is about God's story- about His love, His purpose for this earth, and how He wants ME to be a part of that.

If you've never thought about this before, I know it sounds super strange.  It almost sounds like we have an arrogant God who only cares about this big picture, but that's not what it is at all.  God is a loving, caring god who has a wonderful plan for this world, and He loves you and me so much that he wants to give us a place in that plan.  [I had no idea this post was gonna feel so 'preachy' sounding, so forgive me.  But it's just a huge piece of my heart so I feel like I have to share, in order to be true to who I am.]    

It's a lot to think about.  I know.  It took me awhile to understand the difference between these two perspectives, but once I did- it was a HUGE shift for me.  It is this perspective change, this understanding that I am a part of God's desire to love and redeem the whole world, that really gave me an understanding of my place in this world.

What I'm now realizing is that for me, it's not really a question of what my purpose is, but of how I am going to fulfill that purpose.  

After reading the verse "The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me" - I am walking away feeling encouraged.  I feel such a strong affirmation that even though right now I have no inclination of what my next steps are, or what my day-to-day, future job calling may look like, He does in fact have a purpose for me.  And HE WILL fulfill it.  But not only does he know the what of my purpose, He also knows the how.  And I am confident that in His perfect timing, I will know that part too.

I'm not alone in this... You, too, ARE GOING TO fulfill the purpose that the Lord has planned for you. Is this something you've thought about?  My hope is that if you haven't, you might.  It's a difficult question to think about, but it can be so so rewarding.

xoxo

Working on Fear

Lately the world has felt a bit darker... Whether it be shootings, or loved ones being lost, people sad, and hurting- it has felt as if there is a heavy cloud that has been sweeping in over the area. It's times like this where I find it especially difficult to remain joyful. It's not that there aren't things to be happy and joyful about, because there most definitely are. But for some reason, when things like this happen, it is hard to not just stare straight at the darkness and feel its weight on our shoulders.

This is something that I have been working on since I first started feeling the heaviness of the world a couple weeks ago, and something that I know I need to continue to work on. It is so easy to, in times like these, allow ourselves to be taken over by the sadness and fear of the world. One day I was thinking about the darkness and just feeling really fearful. I started to think about how, if I wanted to (which I never would) I could seriously be afraid of EVERYTHING. In fact, the more I thought about it, it made me want to find a little hole or room where I could block everything else out! It is such a scary phenomenon, is it not? The world can be a very scary place. But this is not where I want to keep my focus. I do not want to live in fear! Fear sucks! Fear inhibits our ability to find joy, our ability to trust, to live life to the fullest as the Lord so desires for us to do. Therefore, this is an area where I need to challenge myself.

A phrase that is often on my heart when I feel afraid is "Even the darkness is not dark to you, for the night is as bright as the day!" This phrase came from an opening ceremony at a mission conference that I went to, but comes from many different places in scripture- one of them being Psalm 139:11-12. It says, "If i say, 'surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me, ' even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for the darkness is as light to you." This is the reminder that helps me to blow away the cloud of fear that tries so often to settle in over my world. Through Jesus Christ's death on the cross, and his resurrection from the dead- He defeated the devil. He took the weight of the world, the sins of all on his shoulders and died an awful death... but then he did what the devil was not expecting- he Rose again... meaning that He defeated the power of evil! As a result of Christ's sacrifice- with Him, the darkness can have no power over us.

This is a really difficult concept to grasp, especially when we see darkness around us each and every day on this earth. Unfortunately that darkness will continue, it is something that we are going to deal with for the rest of our lives. But I think the important thing is that, we need to realize that we have a part in not letting that darkness rule our lives. And one of the ways that I am going to try to keep the darkness from having power in my own life, is by working on controlling my thoughts, controlling the fears that I have.

I am going to be thinking about this a lot this year, I can feel it... but for now I am going to start with the challenge to redirect my thinking every time that I experience fear trying to creep in. For me, a way to redirect my thinking, to squash the darkness is to think of that verse "even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day." It reminds me that the Lord has defeated the darkness and with Him, His light outshines any heaviness, any pain, any fear that I may have. It's like the verse I wrote in my last post. 

 "Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me- put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you."

Directing our thoughts to those things, will wipe away fear and replace it with the peace of God. That is how I will be challenging myself this week.

Discipline to Challenge

Lately, I have been doing a lot of thinking... but not necessarily the good kind of thinking. Let me try to explain. Do you ever have chunks of time where you feel like all you are doing is worrying or having uneasy, not peaceful thoughts? I don't know about you, but I go through little spurts of this here and there. Usually I can recognize when I am feeling this way by noticing that I am especially anxious for no reason or just being really sensitive. And once I'm aware that this is how I am feeling, then I think it through, allow myself a little bit more slack and a few days later it wears off or something.

As of late, I have been struggling with this type of thinking for more than the typical few days. I have noticed myself being especially worrisome, self-conscious, sensitive, and definitely not confident. This is an uncomfortable phenomenon for me. Yes, these are things that I think everyone deals with daily. But we all have our ways of coping with them and feeling like we can conquer them, do we not? It has been starting to bother me that I feel like I am not reaching that place of peace where I feel like I have control over my thoughts. It makes me feel out of whack, like I'm somewhat of a crazy person.

Last night as I lay awake in bed, I was trying to sort through my thoughts and get to the bottom of this. And I feel there are many contributing factors that have brought me to this place of what I feel is not 'good thinking'.

1. I am not being challenged in my job. Taking a job at a boutique, I knew that it would be completely different from my past experience working as a Ministry Assistant with the college ministry. But what I didn't realize was how much it would affect me. I feel like my brain has slipped into a place of laziness because, well, what's the hardest thing I have to think about at a boutique... hmm what shirt will go with those pants? How can my boss operate that way, what is she thinking? Where should I put these scarves so they will sell faster? Yikes. Coming from a girl who loved developing a study curriculum for college students, and got really energized from writing and delivering a 25 minute message to students- feeling like I was in a place where I was constantly thinking about things that were challenging... this new place is really doing nothing for me.

2. I have not set aside time to do reflective thinking. As you can see based on the last time that I blogged, it has been quite awhile since I felt I had something to say. This is not okay for me. It really helps me to be processing out loud, via type or what-have-you. And to see that I have not done this, shows me that something is off, that I am clearly not myself or that I am disconnected for some reason. I have not given myself the chance, or Challenged myself to think deeper. To make my brain work in a different manner than what I have been doing in my 'working hours.'

3. I have not been digging deeper in my relationship with the Lord. This, above all else, is really what my 'funk' comes down to- I know that. Being in this new place in my career (can I even really call it that at this point??) I have allowed myself to become a lazy thinker. Not being challenged in my job, being pushed to challenge myself- I feel like I have become a more undisciplined person. Life is all about discipline, is it not? Disciplining ourselves to eat right, to work out, to study in school, to be kind to others, to spend time in the word. I'm digressing, but the point is... for me- I have let my disciplines fall to the wayside. I miss studying the word regularly. I miss being in a small group that challenges me, asks me hard questions. I miss reading books that push me to think outside my little box. I miss being self reflective. I miss feeling like I am making practical steps towards being transformed more into Christ's likeness. (Yes I realize God is the one who transforms us, but it takes our personal discipline too.)

What I think this all comes down to is this. I have gotten lazy. I have gotten complacent. I hate that word by the way because what good comes from complacent? I NEED to be CHALLENGED. That means first and foremost I need to really hype myself up, challenge myself to be in the word daily, to set aside time for reflective thinking, and to take a class, read a book, or do a study that is going to help me learn new things about/from the Lord. And secondly, I want to continue to ask myself- what am I doing? or- what can I be doing differently to challenge myself more? Maybe that will mean finding a new job where I am at least encouraged in my discipline of challenging myself.

I think I just figured it out. I think I finally put it to words... Discipline to Challenge. That's kind of an awkward title/phrase/whatever-you-call-it. But stay with me for a second. To challenge means "something that by its nature or character serves as a call to battle, contest, or special effort..." The part that jumps out at me is the beginning - 'something that by its nature or character serves as a call." That's what I feel like I am missing!! I am missing the SOMETHING that is serving as a call for special effort.

As a disciple of Christ, He is the something that serves as a call to battle, contest, or special effort. I have been called by Christ to be His follower, to share His love with the world- and it is by His love, it is His nature that "serves as a call", that Challenges me.

Forgive me for blabbing on and on and on. But apparently I've gotten so out of the habit of thinking in this reflective way that it took me this long to realize where I was going with this. But here it is...

1. What I have been missing as of late is the reminder that I am constantly being challenged- that I am constantly being called to put forth special effort by Him to follow Him.

2. I need to be continually finding the other somethings in life that also serve as a call for special effort, that encourage me in my endeavors of the first, most important challenge.

PHEW!  I did it!  Finally feel like I had some "good thinking!!"   

As I leave you today, I am going to continue to process this realization that I made about myself this morning. I am going to take steps towards drawing nearer to the One who ultimately challenges me, serves as my call. And I am going to work on the practical aspects of my life, that help me build up that discipline to be challenged. May it be finding a different job, getting back into a work-out schedule... whatever it is- I need to make sure that the aspects of my life all come back to the Ultimate Challenge in my life- that is to Follow Christ as He calls me.

Let me leave you with a verse that God put on my heart today.  

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.  Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me- put it into practice.  And the God of peace will be with you.  Philippians 4:8-9 (emphasis added)

Taking a breath

If there's one thing that I learned from my working days since college, it is that taking a breath every once in awhile is so important. In fact it is crucial- to both remaining sane, and giving ourselves the time to think, to reflect, to lament if need be, about where we are in life and what we have to be thankful for. 

Almost a month has gone by since I started my new job at the little boutique- and I feel like now is the first time I have had to just be on my own, have some Mindy time, and breathe. So that is what I am doing today. Yes, I have a list of things that need to get done, and an engagement this evening- but for the next 5 hours I am going to unwind, and think about where my heart's at.

I am definitely a person who highly values balance. Although I don't mind being constantly busy, having lots of fun things to do, with many plans - if I don't have a "down" day or a day to relax in between, then I will go a bit crazy. I feel like life has been like that lately. Just a bit all over the place, especially with me and my husband starting new jobs this month.

Maybe I should start there by saying that we could not be happier that my husband made the move to this new company. I feel like I have not meditated or given God the praise that He so deserves for providing this huge blessing for us. As you may remember, I've posted quite a few laments about his last position. He wasn't getting home until 3 in the morning, we never ate dinner together, he was working weekends, and the list goes on and on. But now it is like a complete turn around. My husband is home by 6:30 or 7:00, they do not email in the evenings, they don't email on the weekends, we have eaten many dinners together, and they even organize fun things like happy hours for their employees. It is in the world of Chris and Mindy- a dream come true.

With that said, I am still adjusting to this new place we are in. I have no complaints, because it is a good place, a wonderful place, a more normal, married couple place. But I am still adjusting.

Part of that adjustment is that I have re-joined the working world as well. To be honest, that is probably more of the adjustment for me. Not that I am having trouble having a desire to work, but I am having trouble balancing it all. Before, I was not working- I did all the housework, cleaned, laundry, dishes, etc. I made dinner here and there but he was hardly home. Now its a completely different picture. I am not home all the time, and he is home a lot more often. So we have started to share the responsibilities. This sounds great doesn't it?! Well for some reason I am having a hard time adjusting to this. I want to be able to cook him meals, to have him come home and smell the delicious concoction I am making in the kitchen. Overall I want to be a good wife. Call me traditionalist, which surprises me actually- but maybe I want to be a bit more of the traditional wife than I realized? That thought is weird for me. (I think I'll come back to that thought in a future post.)

This post is a bit all over the place, perhaps because that is where my mind is today- all over the place. I have a slight problem with over-analyzing everything. I have a hard time not over-thinking things. I think that's why for me, these days of "taking a breather" attempting to not think so much, are SO important to my sanity. With that said, I am having a hard time not over-thinking my new adventure at the boutique. Coming from a job where I worked at a church, in a position where I could really each day connect with my purpose, where I could walk away knowing, okay this is why I am doing this- to care for God's people and to better reach more people.... and now in a position where the purpose is to sell, to make the store look pretty, to encourage people to buy things, to tell customers how fabulous they look in the beautiful coat they are trying on, I am having a harder time connecting with my purpose in life. I know that my role as a follower of Christ, and my purpose in life does not change with me being in a "secular" job now. But it does mean that I have to be a bit more creative in connecting with that purpose each and every day, with being loving when my boss is being oh so critical of the way that I decided to arrange the display or the folded sweaters on the shelf.

This place in life is definitely a new one, and I am intrigued to see what God has in store. So for now, I think my challenge is to continue to trust Him, to continue to lean into Him as the one who knows All- especially when my little brain is trying so hard to figure it all out. So for today, I've done my thinking (as this blog often helps me do) and it is time to unwind, to relax, to breathe- and just simply be thankful for what God has provided for me.

A New Adventure

It has been about two weeks since my last post- and I can't believe how fast that time has gone by. If you recall, my last post was an exciting, joy-filled post about my husband finally being able to relax and enjoy himself because he decided to leave his last crazy job to move onto what we hope will be a better fit for us. These last two weeks have been SO GREAT. My sweet hubby finally had a chance to just RELAX!!! He was able to go shopping for the pants and socks that he really needed. We were able to go on a little trip to Florida (for a friend's wedding) with no concern of being interrupted by his work Blackberry. We made meals together; we made cookies together. He napped during the day! We really got a chance to re-connect and just BE together. It was seriously such a blessing.

As I sit here today in the quiet of our apartment, I must admit that it is quite lonely. Last night as my husband and I wrapped up our Sunday evening in our traditional way- watching Iron Chef on the Food Network, I started to feel a bit teary. Knowing that our special time together was coming to an end, I was reminded of the many times when he would have to leave on a Sunday night. For those of you who don't know- my husband and I endured much of our relationship as a long distance one. (Not just a couple hours, talking mid-west and east coast sort of distance). It felt like one of those sad days where he had to leave me again and it wouldn't be quite awhile until the next time I saw him.

I know that this obviously is not the case. Thanks to getting married, I now live with him and have the pleasure of seeing him everyday. But- with his old job, we were so robbed of the everyday pleasure of spending time together. Although we have hopes that this new position will be 60-70 hours a week versus the 90 he was doing, the fear still creeps in a little bit as I send him off to his new job today. It is hard not to be afraid that what happened in his last position is going to happen again here. But then I need to be reminded of how faithful God has been to us.

I feel a little out of whack as I write this post, as if its been so long since I've found my "blogging voice"- but the point of this post is just to reflect on and be thankful for the blessing of this new adventure that we have been given. The crazy thing, that I have yet to share in this venue, is that I too am starting a new adventure. A short two days after my husband left his previous position to accept a new one, I found myself a fabulous little part time job. I am sure there will be many posts to share about this one. But for now, the basics. I started last working last week at a little boutique only a few minutes away from where we live. I will have the pleasure of tapping into my love for fashion as I basically act as a personal shopper to any customer who comes in, helping her find some pieces that look great on her. This is SO completely different from my last position working in a church, but I am excited for this change- and I look forward to the fun (and I'm sure some frustrations) that will happen.

Well I must end this post, in a rather unpolished fashion (ick), as I need to go find myself some comfy flats or boots to wear for standing on my feet all day at the new job. Any recommendations for places to find these great shoes, send them my way.

Overall- I am so thankful. So blessed, to the point that I haven't even wrapped my mind around it yet. God is good. If you're in place where you don't feel thankful and blessed, hang in there. Choose to be thankful (even for the little things) - it changes your attitude helping you focus on the things that are good. God is faithful and will bless you in the best way He knows how, in His timing.

A Happy Husband

I cannot begin to grasp how different the scene at the Larsen home is tonight. I have been lamenting for months about how my husband works a ridiculous job that requires him to be on the job 90-100 hours a week. It has made for a very interesting first year of marriage. After getting seriously screwed by the year end bonus in July, (he basically worked 2 years in a the span of a year and only got paid for a year and a half- yeah... try that out for size) and this past month hours continuing to grow without an end in sight- it was getting to be too much to keep tolerating. As a move of desperation and hopes of a better future and a happier today, my husband decided that it was about time to put his "feelers out" (what a weird phrase) and open his mind to a career change.

Without dragging this story out and telling every detail, I'm going to jump to the exciting conclusion. I can officially say that today my husband accepted a new job!!! We are SO BLESSED... so so Blessed. It's too difficult to even explain the pieces, to tell you the story of how my husband landed this new position. Or maybe it's for another time. But what I can tell you, is that we could not be more excited about this change. Being promised not only an increase in salary, less hours, the same job that he loves- and most importantly being treated with respect are just a few of the aspects that I look forward to for my sweet hubby in this new position. I realize it is still in the crazy field of Investment Banking, and for that reason this will by no means be a 40 hour work week. I understand that he will still work 60-70 hours a week and I am sure that I will again find myself on this page lamenting about feeling lonely or whatever- but of one thing I am most certain... Anything will be better than where he was. I hesitated for a moment there as I typed that last sentence almost in fear that if I say that then all of a sudden we'll find out this new job is worse than the old one. But not only is that just being silly and superstitious, I seriously don't think it's humanly possible. With all that said, I am beyond THRILLED to be able to say Farewell and Good Riddance to my husband's last position.

There are so many things I could say that I look forward to about this new position. But let me take you back to how I started my post and describe to you why tonight has felt so different. Tonight is the first time in months and months and months that my husband seems truly happy. I mean REALLY happy. I'm not saying he hasn't found happiness outside of his position but I'm saying there was always a catch. The buzzing cell phone sitting on the coffee table rudely jousting him out of his relaxed pose on the couch. Another email coming in, needing to be tended to. But tonight- it's just different. Tonight, the cell phone continues to buzz, issues continue to come up in emails, but instead of jumping, he sits relieved. Knowing that it is no longer him who is responsible to manage the page that needs to be adjusted, he sounds happier, he looks happier and he's RELAXING!!!!

I am filled with joy and so so thankful for this next journey we are about to take. I am so thankful for the breath that my husband has been given in between jobs. I am thankful for the smile on my husband's face as he says, "man are we blessed" and "I'm excited about this change babe!" And I am excited that I am able to now look forward to more nights like this; where I get to sit on the couch and write, he can sit on the floor playing his video game and we can just BE together. This is indeed a different scene at the Larsen home on a weeknight, but it is definitely one that I look forward to getting used to.

God is good. He is faithful. He blesses us even when we don't ask for it. He SHOWS US that WE ARE LOVED. All the glory goes to Him.

Wedding Ring: Does it mean anything

I am not sure where it came from, or when it started, but for the past several years I have had a passion for salsa dancing. Passion is a strong word, I suppose, but let's just say I really enjoy salsa dancing. I went for the first time with my sister and a group of her friends years ago, and had a blast! Sure it is a bit intimidating and you have to be quick on your feet, a quick learner and willing to trip over yourself, your partner, and willing to laugh at yourself a bit. But besides that, it's super great.

Overall, I LOVE dancing. I was always a huge fan of the middle school sock hops, high school dances, prom, homecoming, you name it- I was there. Wedding dances are my favorite! If there is an empty floor and a good DJ, you can always count on this girl to be one of the first ones on the floor. With that said, when I had my first experience with salsa dancing- I fell in love. I love the more organized aspect of it. The idea of having specific steps and dancing because it is a passion is something that I admire in the salsa communities. Now I understand that there are elements "dirty dancing" at a salsa club, but I appreciate that it's not the nasty 'grinding up on each other' sort of dancing. (Which really, is that even dancing?)  With salsa it's more about the dance, the culture of it all... I feel like I'm starting to sound like I'm straight out of Footloose defending dancing or something.

And now, I've gotten quite far away from where I originally meant to go with this post. I'll try to focus and pull it together. Because of this curiosity or intrigue with salsa dancing- I decided to try taking a Salsa dance class. Tonight was the night. I asked a friend to come with me and she was a great sport not having danced salsa before. I've been salsa dancing a few times before, so I caught on pretty quickly. Overall it was a BLAST!! There were about 12 of us there, a pretty good balance of men and women and we all took turns with different partners learning some advanced beginner steps, and then on to an intermediate dance. All in all, it was a great experience. I would definitely go back and do it again.

But then... there was a little part of the evening that tainted my experience. Long story short without explaining everything, one of the men that I danced with later proceeded to ask if I wanted his number. Ugh. Here is where the title of this post should start to make sense. What I don't get is, Does a wedding ring mean NOTHING? You danced with me, you held my hand (because you have to in salsa dancing), I was talking with my hands as I explained I wasn't going to be at the next salsa event tomorrow and yet somehow either you are blind and missed the rock and band on my finger, OR, you are just choosing to ignore it. No- I don't want your number! I'm wearing a ring that means I am MARRIED- off the market! And I know you're not just trying to be my friend.

It both frustrates me and makes me feel sad. Sure, there is an element of every girl, whether you admit it or not, that loves to be admired or wanted. I'd be lying if I said it doesn't feel nice to know that someone has interest. But does that mean that it is okay for you to be hitting on me when clearly I am wearing a ring on my left hand which has the role of being a physical reminder of the promise that I made to a man who is my HUSBAND? No- in my book that's not okay.

The reason it makes me sad is because it makes me wonder what this world is really coming to. Has our world really become SO corrupted that marriage means nothing? Therefore the physical reminder of the wedding ring on the finger also doesn't give the signal to not hit on me? Sad.

To me, my wedding ring stands for the choice I have made to be in a loving relationship with one man for the rest of my life. That doesn't mean that if you see me without him by my side, then I'm fair game. It means, if you want to admire me, tell me that I'm hot or whatever the heck you want- then fine-  go for it (like I said, I'm a girl, we all like it)! Go ahead and tell me my husband is a lucky man, or something!  I won't get mad at you for that.  But then cut it off there, don't hit on me.  Then I can walk away having respect for you because you respected the fact that I'm a married woman.

Point is- if you're single and you see that someone is wearing a wedding ring, or engagement ring, BE RESPECTFUL! Have the common courtesy to stick to the friend zone, just chat, whatever!! Don't be the fool who hits on a married woman.

Marriage should mean something these days. It does to me.

Careful Love

Today I am hung up yet again on a verse from Joshua.  Today the verse is Joshua 23:11, but to set up 11, I will share 10 too.  

One of you routs a thousand, because the Lord your God fights for you, just as he promised.  So be very careful to love the Lord your God.

It's that last part, verse 11, So be very careful to love the Lord your God,  that gets me.  What an interesting concept... being "careful to love".  When I think I love, I don't really think of something that is careful.  In the movies, all you see is crazy love.  The love that causes you to chase someone down in the airport to simply say I love you.  The love where two strangers meet and instantly sparks fly and a lifelong bond is formed.  The love that destroys marriages because two people figure out they were "destined" to be with someone else.  The crazy, irrational love where two estranged lovers run into each others arms to be caught up in a passionate embrace.  But is this really what love looks like?  Most often, no.  

It seems so strange to read the words be very careful to love, and yet the more I think about it- it's quite a wise instruction.  In fact, shouldn't we be way more careful in the way we love than crazy?  Sure it's great to do crazy things every once in awhile as a result of love for someone.  Like a spontaneous trip or silly love notes or a surprise visit. But overall, if I had to choose between a crazy love and a careful love- by all means, I would choose careful.  

Think about that for a minute.  A careful love.  What does that look like?  In my mind, that would be a love that is very thought out, well nurtured, well cared for, and never forgotten.  Being in my first year of marriage, I have learned quite well that it is SO important to care for your love.  It is so easy to get caught up in the craziness of life, the busyness of work schedules and lose sight of the great love that you have for each other because you are just too busy.  That is not a careful love.  

When Joshua says these words, he is basically on his deathbed saying his final words to the Israelites.  He is reminding them of the great things that God has done for them, that He continues to fight for them, and he is warning/urging them to "be very careful to love the Lord your God."  The Israelites have a bad track record for getting distracted by other idols and desires, so this reminder is quite important.  Joshua wants to encourage them to nurture their love for God, to truly follow Him, being ever so careful to not let their love be swayed toward another.

What a great reminder and challenge.  Be very careful to love.  I want to be careful to love.  I want my love for others in my life to be well thought out, to be intentional, to be a caring, nurtured love that I am an active participant in protecting.  And even more so, I want to very carefully love the Lord my God.  In this world we live in, every day is a struggle between what is good and what is evil.  I wish it did not have to be that way, but it is.  It is a struggle to stay grounded, to be continually focusing on the Lord in every single moment, to be a solid example of Jesus.  I like the words Joshua says "be very careful to love..."  To me, it is a good reminder that loving God with our lives is not easy, it is something that takes a lot of care, a lot of thought, and a lot of intentionality. There will be things that are going to try to distract us, take our focus off of our love for Him.  The evil one is a sneaky little bugger and we need to be oh so careful not to let him take hold of our lives in any way.  

Careful love. This is something I'd like to think more about. 

But for now, I will take Joshua's words to heart.  I will challenge myself to Be very careful to love the Lord my God; to protect my love for Him, and do whatever I can to keep from being distracted or swayed by the idols of this world.