Last week was a tough one for me. Facing the decision of what to do about Thanksgiving – whether we would get together with a larger group of extended family members, or keep it small with just the immediate family – was really challenging.
I suffered from serious decision fatigue – you know, the exhaustion that comes from either having to make too many decisions in one day or analyzing one particular decision from so many angles that you can’t even think straight any longer, let alone land on an actual decision. And it wore heavily on my body and on my mental health.
As I talked over and over and over again with my husband, we cycled through the risks, the benefits, the pros and cons and both of us felt uncomfortably stuck. I noticed this decision was starting to wear on Chris, and as he doesn’t usually struggle with decisions like I do, I realized “ Wow. Okay, no more weighing, it’s time to land the plane. This is wrecking both of us.”
Throughout this deciding process I realized a few things that I wanted to share with you in hopes of helping you make decisions that will support your mental health during the pandemic.
Don’t make decisions based on fear
As I visited and revisited the options at hand, I noticed myself starting to entertain what ifs. What if someone at the family gathering has Covid and we don’t know it? What if I get it? What if I then pass it to my family? What if my mom gets it? What I my dad gets it? What if one of them, both with heart disease, passes away – because of me?
What if I actually have Covid and unbeknownst to me, give it to someone and they end up in the hospital? Can I bear the weight of that?
These fear-filled what ifs wreaked havoc on my body: my chest tightened, my shoulders crept up to my ears, and my breathing shallowed. It was in these terrible what if questions that I realized – making a decision based on fear is not healthy or helpful.
I could what if myself to death. I could focus on the terrible outcomes that I made up in my head, and make my decision to avoid the sheer possibility that they might come true. But at what cost?
If we make decisions based on fear we enable our bodies to live in fear. And friends, guess what that breeds – anxiety.
When we experience anxiety, we come face to face with our body’s natural reaction of fight or flight. Our body is created by the Lord to recognize that there is something threatening and so it reacts. In and of itself, this is a healthy response. But, the way our God-given “jump from a snake before your brain even thinks about it” anxiety becomes crippling, debilitating, unhealthy anxiety is through an unchallenged habit of learning to live in fear.
Our bodies are very smart creations – the Lord made us fearfully and wonderfully. If you tell your body over and over to be afraid of the virus, afraid of the worst-case scenarios you have dreamed up in your mind, it learns to be afraid. And it will start to show. Your nervous system will learn to be constantly on edge, waiting for a fight or flight moment to come.
If we want to minimize our anxiety in this pandemic, we have to be intentional about not making decisions out of fear.
In the world we live in right now, this day of the virus, there is plenty to be afraid of. Would getting the virus and a family member ending up in the hospital or passing away be scary? Absolutely. BUT if we are living in a state of constant fear of this happening, not only are we negatively impacting our bodies, we are not acting as sons and daughters of God who know that no matter what comes our way, or our loved ones’ way, He will hold us tight and sustain us.
We cannot and must not live in fear.
Make decisions based on your health _ physical, mental, and spiritual.
If you’re thinking, “okay Mindy this all makes sense but now what? How do I actually go about making these kinds of decisions without basing them on the fear of the virus?” Allow me to offer you an alternative.
Instead of making decisions based on fear – flip the script and make decisions to support your health – physical, mental, and spiritual.
After deciding that we would not make our decision based on fear, we recognized that the best decision we could make in this instance was one that supported our mental health. Largely my mental health.
In this particular week, my nervous system was already on edge and my mental capacity was low. I could sense that anxiety and fear-filled what ifs would come more easily if we attended a larger group gathering. So, we made the tough decision to forego an extended family get together and only spend time with our immediate families.
Coming to this conclusion was not easy. And if I’m being honest, it was hard to feel like the main reason we weren’t going was because of the state of my mental health. But what I’m learning in this crazy year of 2020 is that making decisions that support my mental health does not make me weak; it actually shows that I’m listening to my body and choosing to honor it. And that, my friends, takes strength.
How to make a decision that will support your mental health during the pandemic
The next time you wrestle with making a decision related to the pandemic remember these tips:
· Don’t make decisions based on fear.
· Make decisions based on your health – physical, mental, and spiritual.
Listen to your body – pay close attention to your physical, mental, and spiritual health, and most importantly, ask the Lord to guide you.
Galatians 4:6-7 says, “Because you are his sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, “Abba, Father.” So you are no longer a slave, but God’s child; and since you are his child, God has made you also an heir.”
We are children of God, heirs to His throne through Christ, and we get to use the authority that He gave us to make decisions right here in the midst of this pandemic. If you’re stuck in the endless cycle of indecision, press in to Him, ask the Holy Spirit for wisdom and let His peace guide you.
We are in this together, friends.
